Whew! This week just flew by!

Jasper is my favorite little dog in the world!

This week has been a crazy one!
I had a nice break, a whole week of no school!!
So, last weekend I took my kids to the corn maze, we also had Aubrey and Heather with us. We went to Cornbelly's up at Thanksgiving Point. It was so much fun!
I have to say I am proud to have been a part of Aubrey's first corn maze experience.
When we got there, on the way to the maze, we discovered there was actually a lot more than just the maze to do there. There was an area with a princess carriage, slides and a jumpy thing. (you know - the air filled ones....) I can't remember the name... They also had princess dresses for the little girls to put on. Christy was beautiful.
The maze was fun! It was shaped like David Archuletta, and as you found your way out, they played Archuletta's music. It didn't take us too long to find the exit...

Monday was nice. Mondays are my favorite tv nights. I usually only watch television Mondays and Tuesdays. But if I had to miss one...I wouldn't choose Monday. I am a big fan of Heroes and Chuck. Chuck is fun. There's a good mix of drama, comedy, a splash of romantic tension, and action. There's also the good looking cast! Heroes is well, Heroes. If you haven't caught on yet to this most amazing series, I highly suggest it!

Tuesday I took my kids to the Dinosaur Museum. We had so much fun! It was pretty empty, most of the time it was just us in the room, and Wesley slept through the whole thing. Christy and I had a blast. It was fun to kindof let go, and be a kid again. I even played in the sand. We made an island then let the dinosaurs stomp it into the water. Into a mushy puddle of nothing. lol! Sometimes there is nothing like being a kid!

Wednesday, Aubrey, Heather and I braved a haunted house in Provo. The Scream Assylum. It was ok. Not neccessarily worth the $15 we spent to get in, but it's always fun to get out with the girls.

Thursday was dinner, which of course was amazing. Aubrey made dinner, check out her blog to see the pictures www.breybabe.blogspot.com. MMmm.... Aubrey is an amazing cook. Her husband will be a lucky lucky man.



Friday I went to a masquerade. it turned out really nice. I even won some of the raffle prizes!
And I looked cute! I am on the left, Charise is on the right.

Saturday night, Christy played guitar hero with her Aunt Katie. She got like 1013 points! I'm so proud of her! She even sang! I was so impressed actually. Kaytlyn is a fun aunt! My kids love her!

Wesley even has a name for her that sounds close to Katie.
He is getting huge! Isn't he handsome? I love his blues! I just took this picture today! He was sliding off Grandma's bed. All by himself! He is such a big boy. I can hardly believe how fast it goes.










I am still trying to find Flash a home. He's a black lab/blue heeler mix. about 8 months, neutered, microchipped and up to date on all his immunizations. He's very loyal and loving.
So if you know anyone looking for a dog, he's a really good one. I hate to have to find him a new home... :(

It's been 2 years since Laura has been gone.

Today is the 2nd anniversary of Laura's passing.
I miss Laura. She was always happy. She was a light in all the muck of this earth.
She was a great example of always having Christ's spirit.
Last year, I made a music video and posted it on YouTube.



Although, I put the wrong date in there, Laura passed on the 19th.

I have been thinking about Laura a lot lately. She was peace. She still brings me peace.
When I went through the temple for the first time, I felt her pressence with me. Even the second time I went through, she was there. And occasionally, when I am driving, I can almost feel her riding along next to me in the passenger seat, reminding me of not only her love, but also of the love of the Savior and our Father in Heaven.

It wasn't until this year that I really cemented my testimony. It's funny, when you are tested the things that matter most suddenly become more clear in vision. When the one I loved gave me an ultimatum of him or my faith, I realized then how important my faith really is. I will admit, I was tempted to just give it up. But, in the end, I don't think it would have mattered. After all, I am who I am. And the true Gospel of Jesus Christ is a huge part of me.

I am greatful for Joseph Smith for his diligence and perseverence in bringing forth the translation of the Book of Mormon, and for all he did for the early years of the Lord's church. I am grateful for the Pioneers who traveled the plains to settle in Utah, which has been my home for the past 23 years.
I am truly grateful for my Savior without whom, being with Laura again would not be possible. I believe His sacrifices, His atonement and his death were meant for everyone. Including me. I know that I have made my fair share of stumbles and falls, and just knowing that Christ was there, all along. Cheering me on and shedding light on my darkest hours. It makes my current trials bearable. I know that they wont last forever.

Today in church, we sang the hymn "Men are that They Might Have Joy". 2nd Nephi 2:25, "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy." How true is that. How wonderful! Heavenly Father put us on the earth, not only to learn and to grow, but also so that we might have joy. I have heard it said that joy is not the absence of pain, but the presence of God. There is a Mormonad that has a picture of Christ on it, it says "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." And it is worth it. There are so many days that I just want to give up on everything. But I look at my two beautiful children, who really do bring such joy into my life, and remember that I have a purpose here on earth still. My children need someone to be an example to them, someone to teach them the sweet and simple principles of the Gospel.

Our lesson today was given by my mom. It was about the trials in our life.
Joseph Smith was stripped of his clothes and tarred. He was beaten, and clawed. But never once did he back down about what he believed. I think if we have faith, we really can overcome anything. You know, any two people can accomplish ANYTHING, as long as one of them is the LORD! I stole that quote from one of those little frilly handouts I got in Young Women's years ago.

Laura was such a beautiful example of overcoming trials. She always was in pain, or uncomfortable. But I don't think for a moment that she doubted God. She didn't complain much, She didn't stop loving her family and being that happy light. She pressed forward.

2nd Nephi 31:20 says this, "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall pressforward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." Eternal life, meaning to be with our loved ones forever. To go on learning forever. To be with our Heavenly Father and our Savior forever. With no end, and no suffering. Doesn't that sound like a nice place to be?

I hope you enjoyed your Sunday, and that you have a marvelous week.
My love to all.

-Aimee

Oh my GOSH! Santa's Coming! Santa's Coming...

We are watching Elf. And everytime I watch anything Will Ferrell, I always remember Traci, Leanne and Paula. My Winterhaven roommates. I loved those girls. I have many many great memories from then.
Traci always made my day. Traci, I love you! Thank you for supporting me! Traci is definitely on my happy list.

Debbie - You are like my big sister I never had! Visiting with you was so much fun! I hope we can do it again really soon. If you ever are down in Utah, please come visit me! Or we'll meet up and go to lunch or something.

And Julie Stubblefield. You are an inspiration to me. You are one amazing woman. I really admire you, and hope to be as strong as you are. Thank you!

A few more people that I would add to my happy list. If you aren't there, don't worry, I'm still working on it. ...But they don't really have any particular order. I'm just staying positive, and being grateful instead of being depressed and feeling sorry for myself.

"I love smiling, smiling's my favorite!"

I really do love my life!

A phrase I have been saying a lot is "I hate my Life...". I really don't hate my life, I just do not love these trials I am going through. Will they ever end?
They will! That's the beauty of it. ...At least, I think they will.
Yesterday I met with my lawyer to sign a Motion for Temporary Orders, but when I got there to read through it, I didn't feel that it was necessary to send it to the soon to be ex. Instead, I asked that she work on putting the stipulation together, as I believe the ex is ready to sign something, as well as I am. I think we have come to an agreement. The stipulation will take about a week or 2 to put together, and then they will deliver it to ex. Assuming he will sign in agreement, it will be delivered back to my lawyer, where they will send it to be filed. After that, it takes about 3 weeks to be final. ...
Then I will be a free woman!!! So, who wants the first date? I know you guys are just waiting in line! lol!
Anyway, As I said I have been saying a lot "I hate my Life". I use that phrase often. I have become so frustrated. I haven't taken time to cry or to break down. I've been using my "brave face" so much for my kids, that I forget to let loose and let my emotions go. I am a believer of "crying is a healthy release", but I can't seem to use it. I don't know why.
I often say that I'm doing fine with everything, that I will be so glad once this is all over. And I will be, don't get me wrong here. I can't wait to start life once again and move forward. But, it is a sad thing. I have put my whole self into my marriage for the past 3 and 1/2 years. I love this man. I am losing something. As much as I am trying to deny it. I am losing something, my little family is changing into two little families....kindof. The relationship I have had with this man has changed. Of course, that is neccessary to move forward with my life in the way I want to.
My children seem to be doing okay. Christy struggles now and then. She often asks if mommy and daddy are going to live together at their house. And I just explain to her, as best as I can to her level of understanding, that mommy and daddy aren't living together anymore. The hardest is when she cries. She cries a lot, especially when I go to work. She misses being with me. And I miss being with her. My children are my whole world. Everything I do, comes back to them.
So, what do I do to counteract the negative "I hate my Life"? I try to say something I love about my life, everytime I say that. So here is a list.

Things I love...(and people)

1. Christy Ann. I love my daughter.
2. Wesley Robert. And of course my son.
3. The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Without it, I would not have much optimism.
4. Joseph Smith - who translated the Book of Mormon.
5. The Book of Mormon for guidance in my life.
6 Prayer. What I believe to be the highest for of meditation.
7. Yoga - my favorite form of exercise.
8. Tai Chi. Great for finding center, and exercising my energy.
9. Massage. I feel great about giving an amazing massage. I love giving that part of myself.
10. School. I never want to stop learning.
11. Jasper. He is my snuggly puppy.
12. Ziggy. His singing is beautiful.
13. Flash. He thinks he is a lap dog, lol!
14. Digital Cameras. I love taking millions of pictures and then deleting the ones you don't want.
15. Window Shopping...because money is scarce these days.
16. Curious George. It gives me some moments of peace, and it also reminds me of Laura.
17. Laura. I miss her. She was an amazing light. I sometimes feel her with me. I love her.
18. Sleeping in. It's such a treat when I get to!
19. Hot men. Lol! Need I say more?
20. My friends, cause I have the best.
21. Dinner night with Aubrey, Heather and Deven. I know they love how I pressure them to get out on a date!
22. Fall colors. They are just exciting to me!
23. Dancing. Oh how I misseth.
24. Singing out loud with the windows open.
25. Music turned up loud. Right now my favorite is Jason Mraz.
26. Laughing. "I love to laugh...."
27. Monday night tv. Chuck and Heroes. Awe, how I love Zachary Levi. :)
28. Dr. House. His ornery-ness makes him kindof sexy in my book...although if I ever dated a guy like that I'd smack him...
29. Elf. One of my favorite Will Ferrell movies. It's great for laughing.
30. Kissing. Making out is good for you! lol
31. Sunrise. I love this beautiful mark of a new day. A fresh beginning.
32. Facebook. It's a great way to keep up with my friends.
33. My family. I love hanging out with my sisters and my brother.
34. Games. I love playing games. But I do tend to get competitive. Sorry.
35. Parties, I love just having fun.
36. Going to the movies. I love the escape from the world for a few hours...and if the movie sucks, it's a great place to make out!
37. Dressing up. I love getting made up.
38. Aubrey. She is my bestest friend. Ever. I have known her longest.
39.Risa. I miss you Risa! She's my other bestest friend.
40. Heather, she is also on my bestest friends list.
41. Deven, you also make that list!
42. Chocolate. I love chocolate.
43. Cooking. I love to cook.
44. The Wii. Except when I lose that's not fun.
45. Kaytlyn. I love watching her growup! She is such a great sister.
46. Christy Mikaela. She is amazing at hair. Ask me for her card! And she is a great friend and sister, especially when I want someone to listen to me.
47. Nicole. She always has my back.
48. Jessica. I have a lot of them in my life. And I love them all.
49. When my sister Jessica comes down to visit from college.
50. Joshua. Or Omni, depending on what name you know him as. I think he has a great sense of humor, and he is an amazing big brother. I wish him all the happiness and success in the world.
51. Jared - thank you for reviving my love for dancing. I owe you one.
52. Mom and Dad. They are the beginning, you know. They are everything.
53.Bob and LaRene. All their kindness, their love and their generosity. Plus they both have a great sense of humor.
54. Fires. In the fireplace, or at the campground.
55. Camping. Or any other way I can find to commune with nature.
56. Gina. She makes me laugh, and I love going to class, knowing she will be there. You can't help but smile when she is in class. She has the best commentary and her jokes can not be beat!
57. Twilight. I love those books. I'm still looking for my Edward.
58. Charise, Jessica and Comic Con! Best vacation.
59. LoveitLikeitHateit.com - whenever I need to read up about a movie, book or tv show.
60. The Third Wheel. It's a funny movie. Check it out!
61. My Savior, Jesus Christ. Even though I have made some pretty huge mistakes, through Him, I am forgiven and am able to move past them. And maybe even help somebody else on my way.
62. Christy Lynn. She helps to put life in perspective. And she is just plain fun!
63. Christine. (I hope that is how she spells her name). She has the best "get togethers".
64. Ramona, California. I strangely feel at home there. I love the small town feel. (My mom will tell you I'm crazy for that!)

That was therapeutic. Try it out sometime! Once I got started, they just started coming. I really do love my life, and all of the people in it. And of course my animals.
Well, have a great day! It's beautiful outside, and Kaytlyn is making me breakfast! Kaytlyn I love you!

Purple is my favorite color. It makes me happy.

Today was the first day that I really felt the burden of being lonely. Now, I am not really alone, of course I have my parents, my sisters and brother, my children, good friends and my silly animals. I also have my Heavenly Father, for whom I am eternally grateful for his presence in my life. By lonely, I mean I have really started to notice that all of the reality of the divorce and end of my marriage is real. Before I was so busy trying to get all the paper work filed and loans re-arranged and all the children things gathered together. Now as I wait upon the legal system and lawyers, now that all is left really is to wait, I am finding that I have time to breath. Time to sleep, time to write in a blog :). Now that there is more "down time", I am feeling some of the emotions sink in. I know that it is normal to feel sad, depressed and somewhat like a failure. But I never realized how much apart of me they have become. I am generally not a sad or pessimistic human being. Nor do I intend or want to be like that forever. But just for today. Today I would like to look back and reflect on the sadness and the tears that were lost. I have lost a big part of who I was. My marriage was everything to me. I put all of myself into it. I loved this man. I still do. And instead of being depressing, I think I am going to reflect on things I am grateful for. For, a grateful heart will help to cheer up the rest of myself.  I am grateful for the experiences that were given and the lessons learned. I am grateful for family who were all supportive. For friends who were always there, and still are. You know who you are! I'm grateful for Aubrey, who has known me through all my ups and downs. All my in and out of loves. And she still loves me! She is my sister from another mister (or however that saying goes.) I am grateful for our weekly lunches. Those keep my weeks going. I am also grateful for friends and family who say they will be there, and then never show up. They teach me that I can do this. That even when I can't rely on others, I always have my Heavenly Father. And my Savior. I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The Gospel promises that there is happiness. After the trial, there comes great blessing. After the heartaches, there is love. He is always there. Even when others are not, or cannot. 

I am grateful for my children. They are goofy. They make me smile. Christy sings to me. Wesley is a lover boy. He loves to give kisses, snuggles and squeezy hugs. My dogs, my silly dogs. Flash and Jasper are snuggly. Wesley loves to chase them. A few days ago, Flash caught a mouse in the backyard. We were grateful for that. (us Miller women do not like mice!) I saved Flash's life. 3 times. I will write about that story another time. But I'm grateful that I was able to save him. Ziggy makes such beautiful songs. I love to listen to him sing. When you are filled with joy, sing praises. I love music. I love to sing. Even when I am off key. I do believe that I was blessed with the gift of music. I haven't practiced in a few years, and sadly am not as good as I once was. (but I'm as good once as I ever was). The first person to name what song and artist that line is a reference to, I'll give you a free massage! :)

I am grateful for the opportunity I have to go to school this year. I have learned a lot, and I have only been in school for 2 terms! I am so excited everyday to learn more about massage and other elements of natural healing. Aubrey, Deven, Heather, Caulene and I decided to go to Bodyworlds on Friday. It was absolutely amazing. I love learning about our bodies. And how to take good care of them. I am grateful to be going into a profession in which I am able to help people learn how to take better care of themselves. 

I am grateful for prayer. For meditation. For opportunities to speak with our Heavenly Father. He listens. And although it may not always be what or when we want to hear it, he does answer. Miracles happen everyday, and they are not just by coincidence. 

I am grateful for modern technology. Okay, maybe I watch a little too much tv...but I just can not get enough of Zachary Levi as Chuck. Seriously, could I just take him home? I need the Nerd Herd to come fix my computer. I also love getting lost in Heroes and House, M.D. 

And of course, there is my movie and Wii addictions. The last movie I watched, well is actually a tv series called the 4400. I'm on the 2nd season and I cannot wait to find out what will happen to Lilly and Isabel. I am grateful for these, as they are an easy way to sometimes just unwind and escape reality for a little while. 

I made a mii (the Wii character-thingy) and I named it A-mii. :) I thought it was creative!

I really am grateful for everything in my life. Even my trials that make me feel sad. But I am grateful for the ability we have to overcome them, and to get up off our feet, dust ourselves off and press forward. 

Even as I say these things, I feel much better now that I have turned my focus more toward being grateful. But I could still use a hug. So, I am off to seek out my children. 

With all my love, 

Aimee

Oh, and a P.S. I am trying to get past this level on Super Mario Galaxy, it's a water level, and I can't seem to learn how to swim properly. If you can do this, come win that level for me! :)

An intro to myself and my children.

Yes, you read that right. The Queen.

Looking back on my life these past few years, I have found that my life has been full of blessings. Full of laughter, tears, joy, anger, and all those emotions that seem to be present as we press forward.
I am Aimee. The Queen of my nest! I am the mother of two beautiful children; a girl and a boy. I also mother two dogs; both boys. And a little parakeet; also boy. They take up pretty much the most of my time. They also create most of my joy.

Christy who is 3, is my beauty. She has brown beautiful hair. Exquisite features and beautiful eyes that alternate between a deep brown and a hazel. She is very curious about all things. She loves Daycare, playing with friends, mischief, going to church and music...she loves almost everything that any 3 year old loves. She is very articulate, especially for her age. Nobody believes me when I tell them she is 3 years old. She is my best friend.

Wesley is almost 14 months. He has blond hair and blue eyes. If you were to see his dad, you may wonder where on earth he got his blond and blues. He is a good looking boy. He is strong, fast, and just as curious as his sister. He is very smart. He loves to eat. Loves to play. and he loves to sleep. (isn't that the life?!)

Jasper is my poodle. He is my baby dog. Curly, white and apricot. (until I get him groomed...) Named after Stephenie Meyer's vampire, he also has a few of Jasper's calming traits. He is very good to just sit and snuggle. Especially when he is most needed.

Flash is my lab mix. He is black, with white and tan legs. A white tip on his tail and a few spots here and there. He is a big dumb dog. But he is loving and protective of his family. I don't worry about anything happening to my children or me when he is around. He is a "no-conditions" loving dog. I have saved his life about 3 times. And he has saved my sanity for atleast twice that much. I love my big dumb dog!

Ziggy, the parakeet. He is blue and white. He loves to sing. He loves to play. And loves to look at himself in the mirror. He is just a little bit vain! lol

I am currently a student at Provo College. I am going through the Therapeutic Massage program at the school. I love massage. I have always wanted to learn how to do it, and am so greatful for this opportunity to do this. I have such a passion for it. So if you are ever in need of a massage, please let me know. I would love to help ease your aches and pains! lol!
I love to cook, especially when there is music playing. And when I have time.
Dancing is one of my favorite things to do, especially ballroom dancing.
I love to laugh. I love to sing. And I love to sit and talk with someone.
I am very competitive, so if you want to play a game with me, just prepare to lose. :)
I am very excited for my future. I look forward to the holidays and starting fresh a new year.

So there are a few things about my little family and me.
I hope you enjoy reading my new blog as much as I enjoy writing in it!

Please feel free to post comments!

Love to all, Aimee