ATTN: Nerdherd/Geek Squad/Gamer

Dear Nerdherd,
Please come fix my PS3, because I am having problems with it. I don't even know where to begin to fix it, or to explain the problem.
Thank you,
Nerdless.

Great American Photo Contest.

I entered Wesley into the Great American Photo Contest.
Please help us, and go here to vote for him: https://www.greatamericanphotocontest.com/voter1/index.aspx?referid=EmailFriends&p=982009&x=.JPG

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas, Everyone!
We hope your Christmas is Rocking!
And wish you a Jammin' New Year!
With Love, Aimee, Christy, Wesley, Jasper and Ziggy.

Movies

I added pictures to those last ones, because I know you were full of anticipation waiting for the answers....


This sounded like fun, so here are some of my favorite movies....


1. Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
2. Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them in a note for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDB search functions. That's cheating and it ruins the fun.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. "I always wanted to get my swerve on on my bike"


2. "Something wrong? Why would anything be wrong? We just had sex in a church - and we're not even married - and now we're gonna dig up a grave! I mean, what is that, like a triple sin? I'm surprised we haven't been struck by lightning" (Aubrey)

3. "I can't believe you lookin' for tips in the supermarket tabloids" (Aubrey)

4. "Are you going to make me sleep in the tub again"

5. "Whoa! Hold up there a second, fuzzbucket. You mean like, uh, the "live in a mud hut, wipe yourself with a leaf" type wild"

6. "If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key"

7. "I have another scenario for you - I'm in love with you. I apologize for the blunt delivery, but as problematic as this fact may be, I'm in love... with YOU. I'm not feeling this because you're leaving, and not because it feels good to feel this way... which, by the way, it does, or did before you went off like that. I can't figure out the mathematics of this, I just know I love you." (Aubrey)


8. "You and I, we know the secret to life. It's Butter." (Debbie)


9. "I pee really fast. I live with five brothers, three cousins and only one bathroom. Believe me - I can pee faster than anyone in the world"
(Aubrey)

10. "There is no smoking on school grounds. Or freezing, or bursting into flames."

11. "Harold frantically grabs his lamp! He shook the hell out of it for no apparent reason"(Aubrey)

12. "If we went to a Halloween party dressed as Batman and Robin, I'd go as Robin. That's how much you mean to me.."

13. "Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy".."

14. "Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning's reading, it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds." (Aubrey)


15. " I don't know, just pay! Now stop whining and take it like a man"

Another melancholy Monday

Today in class we learned about color therapy and energy. I am going to practice some this weekend, Charise being my guinea pig. The more I learn about the holistic world of medicine, the more I realize how limited western medicine really is. Doctors mostly just treat symptoms, or remove organs when they aren't working as well as they should be. But the ayurvedic way focuses more on the body as a whole. Mind, body and spirit. They must all work together. If one is off balance, it can cause the others to falter.
As a massage therapist (or wellness technician), I am learning more and more to treat the whole person. I am so excited for this alternative world of healing and well being.

Anyway, so today was another Monday. I had class, then I went shopping with Charise. We went to the beauty supply store, animal ark, roberts crafts and target. I bought some way fun stuff. I would tell you, but that might spoil your Christmas suprise!

By the time I got home, Christy was passed out. Wesley was hungry, so I fed him while I watched Chuck and Heroes. Chuck was fun as usual. I loved that they brought in Gary Cole as Sarah's dad. He's a scammer. And Anna wants to move forward in her relationship with Morgan in a tangible way, so she wants them to move in together...but he buys a pos car instead. ...It was action packed...with the comedic effects, of course. And Zach Levi was just as good looking as always.

Heroes was pretty intense.
So, they all have their powers back. Claire and Hiro go back in time to keep Claire from becoming the host for the catalist. Hiro meets his mommy, who returns his memories to him, as well as gives him the catalist. But just as Claire and Hiro are about to return to the prestent time, Arthur Petrelli shows up and takes the catalist. He leaves Hiro powerless in the past, and returns Claire to the present to deliver a message to Angela Petrelli that he has won. Sylar is back to the brains, but mainly to get the ability to tell if you are lying. Which he uses against Arthur. The Hatian and Peter are back and show up to kill Arthur...but Sylar finishes the job. Arthur had already completed the formula by adding the catalist, so now Nathan and his sidekick Tracy Strauss are testing it on some soldiers. The first was Scott, who is played by Chad Faust (who was also in the 4400, which is a fabulous sci fi). He ended up with super strength, which is what they were hoping for. Next week (which will be the last of this year) looks like it is going to be just as awesome!

So, after Heroes, I got Wesley ready for bed and we snuggled until he went to sleep.


Today was pretty good, actually. Any day that starts with colors and ends in Zach Levi sounds like a pretty good day to me. :)

Because I need to put more pictures on here....
Here are my babies. Christy, Wesley and Jasper (Yes, he counts.) :)

A quick rewind

When my children are sick, I really learn to appreciate patience, mother's love and most importantly them. Christy has had the flu and so we have stayed home from school and daycare, so as not to share and also to rest sick bodies. I have been able to really sit with her and talk with her, read to her and just love her. I've also had a lot of one-on-one time with Wesley, while Christy has been asleep. My children are both such wonderful people. They are very sweet. Always willing to share with you a little part of them. (I may be biased, but it's the truth.)

For Thanksgiving, my children went with their dad. It was really strange to not have them with me. But we did have a good time. Brittany Asay came to our house for dinner. It was really nice to see her. She made the most amazingly delicious dip ever. I am so glad you posted the recipes, thank you Brittany.
It was fun to swap stories of defect ex-husbands. And the excitement that comes from being freed from said defects. :)
My cousins, the Steinhorsts, also came for dinner. We had the usual foods that you have, including the amazingly delicious dip. After dinner, the girls (minus Brittany) and Teddy all went to the movie theater to see Twilight.
I liked Twilight. I didn't love it, but have heard I will love it the second time I go. I did love Emmett and Jasper. Alice was also really close to how I pictured her. Edward was hot, but not as sexy as the media made him out to be. In my opinion.
We came home after the movie, and had pie. Really yummy pie. Josh had a slide show about his job in Chicago, where he made a really cool train set for the Botanical gardens. We took some pictures of everone on the couch. Somebody then broke it. :)
Brittany, Joshua and I went to see Madagascar 2 at like 10:50. It was fun. I love the Madagascar movies. And am happy and slightly weirded out that Gloria and Melman found love in Africa. I still would like to see them all return to New York. Or finally make it to the San Diego Zoo...:)

My birthday was on Tuesday, December 2. I turned 24. I feel old, even though 24 is not really old, I feel like i have experienced a lot of life. I am grateful for all of those experiences. Every single one. Even the defect.

Christy was sick on my birthday, so we just hung out and watched Little Einsteins and then ate cupcakes with my family. On Wednesday, Aubrey and Heather brought me Cafe Rio, Jeff Dunham's Christmas Special, and a Toblertone (sp?). We watched Elf and just laughed and had a great time. Thursday was my "party", we had chilli and fresh veggies, cake and ice cream and just hung out. Cori, Charise, Aubrey and Heather were there. I love my girls!

I have almost finished my Christmas shopping. There are only a few more things on my list that I need to get. So, I'm off to work for Santa. But before that, I need to get Christy some meds and water.

How is your week going?

Brightness of Hope. Light in tunnels

The past months have been a dark endless cave in my life. There has been so much pain, deceit, bullying. Name callings, mudslinging, etc. As I have said before, I felt has though this person whom we call, Aimee has been stuffed in a cave somewhere. I feel as though I have been coming out towards the light, and really becoming me again. As I am going towards this light on the outside, I have to go through some tunnels of darkness.
I read President Dieter F. Uchtdorfesident's talk, "The Infinite Power of Hope" from October's General Conference. He said, "Hope sustains us through despair. Hope teaches that there is reason to rejoice even when all seems dark around us." This quote just hit me. This hope is the small glimpses of light I see as I am finding my way through these tunnels.

This week has been an extremely emotional one. The ex's lawyer has sent some paperwork for me to fill out. It would seem that he is now fighting for sole custody. I don't think he will find much from my medical records or even pictures from my house to hold me up in court. But it is still stressful. And has even brought about some hateful feelings I didn't know that I had. I don't hate him. I have never hated him. But I am fighting for the best interests of my children. As I am writing up a response and getting some friends and family members to put together some witness reports, I have had an opportunity to reflect some on this so called marriage. So, obviously there was something that must have attracted me to ex in the first place. Actually, it was his testimony. His strong testimony and love of the gospel. (I didn't realize it was mostly just for show). I also loved his family. I loved that he was committed to helping them out. I love his mom. She is really sweet and had become one of my best friends throughout the course of my marriage. I confided many things to her. She was my place to go release some of the stress and vent. And as I vented, she understood that I didn't really meant that I hated ex, just that I hated what he was doing at the time, and knew there wasn't anything to do about it but just let off some steam. She was great at giving advice, as well as understanding when I didn't think that some of the advice wouldn't work in my situation. I hope one day that she and I will have the opportunity to become friends again.

Through some of my "hatred" feelings, I wasn't sure what to do. So I prayed. I pray for ex and his famliy constantly. I pray for understanding of why things ended the way they did. I am slowly seeing some of the things. Heavenly Father has blessed me with some extra lights in these tunnels.
He has also blessed me with being a woman and having the excuse of being a woman....I cry. Today I cried. I haven't cried much about this whole ordeal much at all. I've been too angry. I'm still angry, but I feel a little lighter. And just because I am praying for light and understanding does not mean I will stop fighting for what I believe in. But I can now fight with a little more perspective.

2 Nephi 31:20 says this “Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." I press forward with faith. Because I have hope. I have faith. And I am working on having charity. Sometimes I forget to use it. And without hope and faith, where would we be? Back in the defect marriage, waiting and praying for a way out. I'm greatful that Heavenly Father let me know that it was okay to get a divorce. It was okay for me to get out.

I do wish and pray for ex to find happiness. I don't want his life to be miserable. I am greatful to not be with him anymore, but I hope he finds someone who understands him and they can be happy together. But I am fighting for my children. But not to have my children to keep them from him, but FOR my children for what I believe is the best for them. I have been with them for nearly every moment in their lives. I do know a little bit about what is best for them ;)

Christy and Wesley got to go to class with me today and get massages. We learned infant massage last week and today we did them. They were both so excited to go. Christy was wiggly and wanted to play with everyone and touch everything, and Wesley just layed there and enjoyed it.

Christy is still very much the princess. Last week for Family Home Evening, I helped Christy pick out a few things from the newspaper adds that she and Wesley would like for Christmas. We then glued them onto our "Christmas lists". Christy's list has things like shoes, a dress, a kitchen, barbies, princess themed items, and a bike. Wesley has a ball, a book and a tool box. lol! Christy's list is huge! It's been fun to teach her about Christmas and why we really have it. She loves to learn about the Gospel. She doesn't quite understand the sacrament yet, but she does know if you ask her who gives us the bread, she will reply, "it's special from Jesus." Tears always seem to find their way down my face as she slowly starts to comprehend some of this stuff. She is amazing at praying and loves to sing the primary songs. She has such a sweet voice. I love being her mommy! She is one of my best friends. She loves to read, sing, dance and especially loves when we go to the Dinosaur Museum at Thanksgiving Point.

Wesley is now 13 months. He is into EVERYTHING! He likes to climb up and down on anything he can. He's a little stinker. But he gives the sweetest kisses and hugs. He likes to boogey when there is music. He enjoys playing with Jasper and watching Ziggy fly around his cage. He likes to pretend to read and loves to push Rocket around the house. Both of my kids love day care. Linda is awesome with the kids. They look forward to going every week and talk a lot about their friends.

I am in still in school, I can't believe it's almost midterms! I am taking Advanced massage, aromatherapy, hydrotherapy and kinesiology. I also have clinics on Saturday. I love school! I love doing massage. My first clinic experience was way cool. My last client stayed talking to our cashier for almost 20 minutes afterward talking about how amazing I was! I love seeing people's improvements from my therapy. It is such a rewarding thing. I am not sure what I want to do with it when I am done, but I think that I am pretty close to it.
Kinesiology is really cool, actually. I want to go back to the BodyWorlds now, so I can apply what I have learned now. Aromatherapy is a smelly class! Sometimes good, sometimes bad.
I am so excited to learn some more of the natural healing. I have felt some improvement on my part. Hydrotherapy we actually start next week, i think. That's like wraps and the stone therapy. I am so excited! And Advanced is just fun to learn the different modalities. I think I am going to take my chair with me around to different places and earn some extra christmas cash!
Massage is really becoming a big thing everywhere. It's such an amazing and needful aspect in our health. Read about it!

Everyone should come have a massage from me! (your first one is free! Unless I really love you, then they are all free haha!). You can either call me and we can use my own little spot, or call Provo College and request me for clinics on Saturday Afternoons. Seriously, I am that good!

I love Monday night television. Chuck and Heroes are awesome! I love Zachary Levi. When we went to Comic Con last year, I wanted so bad to get the autographs from the Chuck cast, but they cut the line off, like 2 people in front of me. It made me so mad. A few months ago, I had a dream about him (no, not one of those....) it was weird, but really kindof sweet. I wont go into any details on here... But since then, I have decided that I am just going to hold out for him, as he is unreachable. And the thought of seriously dating or being with a guy just really scares me. So he is safe. And he is nice to look at. :)
Don't you think?

Well, I think Kaytlyn is home, so I am going to go visit with her and get ready for our Monday night rituals. (FHE and of course, my beloved Chuck and Heroes!)

What I've been up to...

It's been a while since I have updated my blog.

So, we had Halloween, which was a blast! Christy went as Princess Giselle and Wesley was Tigger. I went as the Corpse Bride. I used my very own wedding dress. I trashed it. And by trashed, I mean ripped, cut with scissors, singed with fire, rolled in the dirt, ran over it with the cars, etc... It was actually quite therapeutic, and it turned out great. Anyway, I will post pictures later, as the pictures are on Kaytlyn's camera, and I don't know where she went....(probably to bed).

Then we had voting day. I don't think I will tell you who I voted for or if I lived in Cali what I would have voted for. This blog is to be hate free. (Unless we talk about evil things like the devil himself, whom can not be talked about infront of little ears.)

This last Thursday we went to court for Temporary Orders. Basically, it just means we now have rules until this divorce is final. I won full physical custody (which is what was most important to me) and the ex has to pay a little more money than I even thought he would have had to. My lawyer is amazing!
The ex was angry, to say the least. He went squealing out of the parking lot. I'm sure to some it may look and sound as though I am being mean and spiteful to him. However, I feel that I am only looking out for the best interests of my children. It's hard thing to decide. I do not wish divorce upon anyone. Especially if there are children involved. I hope one day that the ex and I will be able to get over this hate. I don't really hate him. I hate how he makes me feel. The way he bullies me. The way he yelled at me infront of our children and belittles me when I am not there. (Yes, dear, little ears do tattle on you.). I hope that he can find happiness in his life.
I can not wait for this to be final. I want to be able to go out with friends and not feel like "hi, I am Aimee. You're cute, but um...I'm still married." Yeah, no good. I am so ready to move forward in my life.
I miss the feeling of being in love. I don't want to rush into anything, I mean seriously, I don't want to be in a deep relationship for a while. I have to get some other things in my life in order. But I do miss the thrill of being chased. I can't remember the last time that I was actually chased. The last time I got flowers, chocolates, a note. A smile. Or even just getting dressed up to take me somewhere special. I miss the deep conversation and getting to know each other. I don't think that even after being married for 25 years that you can't find something new about your SO (Significant Other).
As much as I miss that, though, I am so excited to get back in touch with myself. I used to be an out doorsy girl, and "on the go" girl. I feel like that has been taken from me. For almost four years, I have not been on a roller coaster, done something risky (like bungee jumping), haunted houses, gone dancing, laughed whole heartedly at myself, tried new things, or even played my guitar. Those are things that I love. Things that partly make me me. I am so looking forward to summer and a trip to Lagoon. Or maybe even the big DL. I want to go bungee jumping. I have gone dancing twice in the past two months and both times were way fun. I only really danced at one of those occasions, but I am dying to go again.
Yesterday, Kaytlyn and I were playing Barbies with Christy and I don't remember what I did, I was goofing off, and I laughed until there were tears in my eyes. It was a whole hearted laugh. It felt so good.
I even joined the ward choir today.
I feel like this part of me that was dead is coming back. The best thing about it is, I get to have me kids involved. They really are my whole life. I love them so much. I will continue to fight for them until this ugly divorce is over.

I realize a lot of this is rambling. But, it feels good to ramble today. I have a lot on my mind and feel that some stress has been taken away since Thursday. Even though it's not the permanent arrangement, yet, I am greatful for rules so that he no longer can bully me into things that are not right or things that I do not want to do. He no longer has that power. And I feel like a great weight has been lifted from me. And I even find myself enjoying the feeling of getting dressed up, for no one. It's fabulous.
I really do hope that none of you have to go through the ugly D word. But if you find yourself in that situation and need a shoulder to cry on or to understand, I am here. I also have an amazing lawyer, the best Marilyn Moody Brown.

I will do more of an update later, when I am feeling a little less "rambly". (That is now my word, I made it up!)

XOXO,
Aimee

Whew! This week just flew by!

Jasper is my favorite little dog in the world!

This week has been a crazy one!
I had a nice break, a whole week of no school!!
So, last weekend I took my kids to the corn maze, we also had Aubrey and Heather with us. We went to Cornbelly's up at Thanksgiving Point. It was so much fun!
I have to say I am proud to have been a part of Aubrey's first corn maze experience.
When we got there, on the way to the maze, we discovered there was actually a lot more than just the maze to do there. There was an area with a princess carriage, slides and a jumpy thing. (you know - the air filled ones....) I can't remember the name... They also had princess dresses for the little girls to put on. Christy was beautiful.
The maze was fun! It was shaped like David Archuletta, and as you found your way out, they played Archuletta's music. It didn't take us too long to find the exit...

Monday was nice. Mondays are my favorite tv nights. I usually only watch television Mondays and Tuesdays. But if I had to miss one...I wouldn't choose Monday. I am a big fan of Heroes and Chuck. Chuck is fun. There's a good mix of drama, comedy, a splash of romantic tension, and action. There's also the good looking cast! Heroes is well, Heroes. If you haven't caught on yet to this most amazing series, I highly suggest it!

Tuesday I took my kids to the Dinosaur Museum. We had so much fun! It was pretty empty, most of the time it was just us in the room, and Wesley slept through the whole thing. Christy and I had a blast. It was fun to kindof let go, and be a kid again. I even played in the sand. We made an island then let the dinosaurs stomp it into the water. Into a mushy puddle of nothing. lol! Sometimes there is nothing like being a kid!

Wednesday, Aubrey, Heather and I braved a haunted house in Provo. The Scream Assylum. It was ok. Not neccessarily worth the $15 we spent to get in, but it's always fun to get out with the girls.

Thursday was dinner, which of course was amazing. Aubrey made dinner, check out her blog to see the pictures www.breybabe.blogspot.com. MMmm.... Aubrey is an amazing cook. Her husband will be a lucky lucky man.



Friday I went to a masquerade. it turned out really nice. I even won some of the raffle prizes!
And I looked cute! I am on the left, Charise is on the right.

Saturday night, Christy played guitar hero with her Aunt Katie. She got like 1013 points! I'm so proud of her! She even sang! I was so impressed actually. Kaytlyn is a fun aunt! My kids love her!

Wesley even has a name for her that sounds close to Katie.
He is getting huge! Isn't he handsome? I love his blues! I just took this picture today! He was sliding off Grandma's bed. All by himself! He is such a big boy. I can hardly believe how fast it goes.










I am still trying to find Flash a home. He's a black lab/blue heeler mix. about 8 months, neutered, microchipped and up to date on all his immunizations. He's very loyal and loving.
So if you know anyone looking for a dog, he's a really good one. I hate to have to find him a new home... :(

It's been 2 years since Laura has been gone.

Today is the 2nd anniversary of Laura's passing.
I miss Laura. She was always happy. She was a light in all the muck of this earth.
She was a great example of always having Christ's spirit.
Last year, I made a music video and posted it on YouTube.



Although, I put the wrong date in there, Laura passed on the 19th.

I have been thinking about Laura a lot lately. She was peace. She still brings me peace.
When I went through the temple for the first time, I felt her pressence with me. Even the second time I went through, she was there. And occasionally, when I am driving, I can almost feel her riding along next to me in the passenger seat, reminding me of not only her love, but also of the love of the Savior and our Father in Heaven.

It wasn't until this year that I really cemented my testimony. It's funny, when you are tested the things that matter most suddenly become more clear in vision. When the one I loved gave me an ultimatum of him or my faith, I realized then how important my faith really is. I will admit, I was tempted to just give it up. But, in the end, I don't think it would have mattered. After all, I am who I am. And the true Gospel of Jesus Christ is a huge part of me.

I am greatful for Joseph Smith for his diligence and perseverence in bringing forth the translation of the Book of Mormon, and for all he did for the early years of the Lord's church. I am grateful for the Pioneers who traveled the plains to settle in Utah, which has been my home for the past 23 years.
I am truly grateful for my Savior without whom, being with Laura again would not be possible. I believe His sacrifices, His atonement and his death were meant for everyone. Including me. I know that I have made my fair share of stumbles and falls, and just knowing that Christ was there, all along. Cheering me on and shedding light on my darkest hours. It makes my current trials bearable. I know that they wont last forever.

Today in church, we sang the hymn "Men are that They Might Have Joy". 2nd Nephi 2:25, "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy." How true is that. How wonderful! Heavenly Father put us on the earth, not only to learn and to grow, but also so that we might have joy. I have heard it said that joy is not the absence of pain, but the presence of God. There is a Mormonad that has a picture of Christ on it, it says "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." And it is worth it. There are so many days that I just want to give up on everything. But I look at my two beautiful children, who really do bring such joy into my life, and remember that I have a purpose here on earth still. My children need someone to be an example to them, someone to teach them the sweet and simple principles of the Gospel.

Our lesson today was given by my mom. It was about the trials in our life.
Joseph Smith was stripped of his clothes and tarred. He was beaten, and clawed. But never once did he back down about what he believed. I think if we have faith, we really can overcome anything. You know, any two people can accomplish ANYTHING, as long as one of them is the LORD! I stole that quote from one of those little frilly handouts I got in Young Women's years ago.

Laura was such a beautiful example of overcoming trials. She always was in pain, or uncomfortable. But I don't think for a moment that she doubted God. She didn't complain much, She didn't stop loving her family and being that happy light. She pressed forward.

2nd Nephi 31:20 says this, "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall pressforward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life." Eternal life, meaning to be with our loved ones forever. To go on learning forever. To be with our Heavenly Father and our Savior forever. With no end, and no suffering. Doesn't that sound like a nice place to be?

I hope you enjoyed your Sunday, and that you have a marvelous week.
My love to all.

-Aimee

Oh my GOSH! Santa's Coming! Santa's Coming...

We are watching Elf. And everytime I watch anything Will Ferrell, I always remember Traci, Leanne and Paula. My Winterhaven roommates. I loved those girls. I have many many great memories from then.
Traci always made my day. Traci, I love you! Thank you for supporting me! Traci is definitely on my happy list.

Debbie - You are like my big sister I never had! Visiting with you was so much fun! I hope we can do it again really soon. If you ever are down in Utah, please come visit me! Or we'll meet up and go to lunch or something.

And Julie Stubblefield. You are an inspiration to me. You are one amazing woman. I really admire you, and hope to be as strong as you are. Thank you!

A few more people that I would add to my happy list. If you aren't there, don't worry, I'm still working on it. ...But they don't really have any particular order. I'm just staying positive, and being grateful instead of being depressed and feeling sorry for myself.

"I love smiling, smiling's my favorite!"

I really do love my life!

A phrase I have been saying a lot is "I hate my Life...". I really don't hate my life, I just do not love these trials I am going through. Will they ever end?
They will! That's the beauty of it. ...At least, I think they will.
Yesterday I met with my lawyer to sign a Motion for Temporary Orders, but when I got there to read through it, I didn't feel that it was necessary to send it to the soon to be ex. Instead, I asked that she work on putting the stipulation together, as I believe the ex is ready to sign something, as well as I am. I think we have come to an agreement. The stipulation will take about a week or 2 to put together, and then they will deliver it to ex. Assuming he will sign in agreement, it will be delivered back to my lawyer, where they will send it to be filed. After that, it takes about 3 weeks to be final. ...
Then I will be a free woman!!! So, who wants the first date? I know you guys are just waiting in line! lol!
Anyway, As I said I have been saying a lot "I hate my Life". I use that phrase often. I have become so frustrated. I haven't taken time to cry or to break down. I've been using my "brave face" so much for my kids, that I forget to let loose and let my emotions go. I am a believer of "crying is a healthy release", but I can't seem to use it. I don't know why.
I often say that I'm doing fine with everything, that I will be so glad once this is all over. And I will be, don't get me wrong here. I can't wait to start life once again and move forward. But, it is a sad thing. I have put my whole self into my marriage for the past 3 and 1/2 years. I love this man. I am losing something. As much as I am trying to deny it. I am losing something, my little family is changing into two little families....kindof. The relationship I have had with this man has changed. Of course, that is neccessary to move forward with my life in the way I want to.
My children seem to be doing okay. Christy struggles now and then. She often asks if mommy and daddy are going to live together at their house. And I just explain to her, as best as I can to her level of understanding, that mommy and daddy aren't living together anymore. The hardest is when she cries. She cries a lot, especially when I go to work. She misses being with me. And I miss being with her. My children are my whole world. Everything I do, comes back to them.
So, what do I do to counteract the negative "I hate my Life"? I try to say something I love about my life, everytime I say that. So here is a list.

Things I love...(and people)

1. Christy Ann. I love my daughter.
2. Wesley Robert. And of course my son.
3. The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Without it, I would not have much optimism.
4. Joseph Smith - who translated the Book of Mormon.
5. The Book of Mormon for guidance in my life.
6 Prayer. What I believe to be the highest for of meditation.
7. Yoga - my favorite form of exercise.
8. Tai Chi. Great for finding center, and exercising my energy.
9. Massage. I feel great about giving an amazing massage. I love giving that part of myself.
10. School. I never want to stop learning.
11. Jasper. He is my snuggly puppy.
12. Ziggy. His singing is beautiful.
13. Flash. He thinks he is a lap dog, lol!
14. Digital Cameras. I love taking millions of pictures and then deleting the ones you don't want.
15. Window Shopping...because money is scarce these days.
16. Curious George. It gives me some moments of peace, and it also reminds me of Laura.
17. Laura. I miss her. She was an amazing light. I sometimes feel her with me. I love her.
18. Sleeping in. It's such a treat when I get to!
19. Hot men. Lol! Need I say more?
20. My friends, cause I have the best.
21. Dinner night with Aubrey, Heather and Deven. I know they love how I pressure them to get out on a date!
22. Fall colors. They are just exciting to me!
23. Dancing. Oh how I misseth.
24. Singing out loud with the windows open.
25. Music turned up loud. Right now my favorite is Jason Mraz.
26. Laughing. "I love to laugh...."
27. Monday night tv. Chuck and Heroes. Awe, how I love Zachary Levi. :)
28. Dr. House. His ornery-ness makes him kindof sexy in my book...although if I ever dated a guy like that I'd smack him...
29. Elf. One of my favorite Will Ferrell movies. It's great for laughing.
30. Kissing. Making out is good for you! lol
31. Sunrise. I love this beautiful mark of a new day. A fresh beginning.
32. Facebook. It's a great way to keep up with my friends.
33. My family. I love hanging out with my sisters and my brother.
34. Games. I love playing games. But I do tend to get competitive. Sorry.
35. Parties, I love just having fun.
36. Going to the movies. I love the escape from the world for a few hours...and if the movie sucks, it's a great place to make out!
37. Dressing up. I love getting made up.
38. Aubrey. She is my bestest friend. Ever. I have known her longest.
39.Risa. I miss you Risa! She's my other bestest friend.
40. Heather, she is also on my bestest friends list.
41. Deven, you also make that list!
42. Chocolate. I love chocolate.
43. Cooking. I love to cook.
44. The Wii. Except when I lose that's not fun.
45. Kaytlyn. I love watching her growup! She is such a great sister.
46. Christy Mikaela. She is amazing at hair. Ask me for her card! And she is a great friend and sister, especially when I want someone to listen to me.
47. Nicole. She always has my back.
48. Jessica. I have a lot of them in my life. And I love them all.
49. When my sister Jessica comes down to visit from college.
50. Joshua. Or Omni, depending on what name you know him as. I think he has a great sense of humor, and he is an amazing big brother. I wish him all the happiness and success in the world.
51. Jared - thank you for reviving my love for dancing. I owe you one.
52. Mom and Dad. They are the beginning, you know. They are everything.
53.Bob and LaRene. All their kindness, their love and their generosity. Plus they both have a great sense of humor.
54. Fires. In the fireplace, or at the campground.
55. Camping. Or any other way I can find to commune with nature.
56. Gina. She makes me laugh, and I love going to class, knowing she will be there. You can't help but smile when she is in class. She has the best commentary and her jokes can not be beat!
57. Twilight. I love those books. I'm still looking for my Edward.
58. Charise, Jessica and Comic Con! Best vacation.
59. LoveitLikeitHateit.com - whenever I need to read up about a movie, book or tv show.
60. The Third Wheel. It's a funny movie. Check it out!
61. My Savior, Jesus Christ. Even though I have made some pretty huge mistakes, through Him, I am forgiven and am able to move past them. And maybe even help somebody else on my way.
62. Christy Lynn. She helps to put life in perspective. And she is just plain fun!
63. Christine. (I hope that is how she spells her name). She has the best "get togethers".
64. Ramona, California. I strangely feel at home there. I love the small town feel. (My mom will tell you I'm crazy for that!)

That was therapeutic. Try it out sometime! Once I got started, they just started coming. I really do love my life, and all of the people in it. And of course my animals.
Well, have a great day! It's beautiful outside, and Kaytlyn is making me breakfast! Kaytlyn I love you!

Purple is my favorite color. It makes me happy.

Today was the first day that I really felt the burden of being lonely. Now, I am not really alone, of course I have my parents, my sisters and brother, my children, good friends and my silly animals. I also have my Heavenly Father, for whom I am eternally grateful for his presence in my life. By lonely, I mean I have really started to notice that all of the reality of the divorce and end of my marriage is real. Before I was so busy trying to get all the paper work filed and loans re-arranged and all the children things gathered together. Now as I wait upon the legal system and lawyers, now that all is left really is to wait, I am finding that I have time to breath. Time to sleep, time to write in a blog :). Now that there is more "down time", I am feeling some of the emotions sink in. I know that it is normal to feel sad, depressed and somewhat like a failure. But I never realized how much apart of me they have become. I am generally not a sad or pessimistic human being. Nor do I intend or want to be like that forever. But just for today. Today I would like to look back and reflect on the sadness and the tears that were lost. I have lost a big part of who I was. My marriage was everything to me. I put all of myself into it. I loved this man. I still do. And instead of being depressing, I think I am going to reflect on things I am grateful for. For, a grateful heart will help to cheer up the rest of myself.  I am grateful for the experiences that were given and the lessons learned. I am grateful for family who were all supportive. For friends who were always there, and still are. You know who you are! I'm grateful for Aubrey, who has known me through all my ups and downs. All my in and out of loves. And she still loves me! She is my sister from another mister (or however that saying goes.) I am grateful for our weekly lunches. Those keep my weeks going. I am also grateful for friends and family who say they will be there, and then never show up. They teach me that I can do this. That even when I can't rely on others, I always have my Heavenly Father. And my Savior. I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. The Gospel promises that there is happiness. After the trial, there comes great blessing. After the heartaches, there is love. He is always there. Even when others are not, or cannot. 

I am grateful for my children. They are goofy. They make me smile. Christy sings to me. Wesley is a lover boy. He loves to give kisses, snuggles and squeezy hugs. My dogs, my silly dogs. Flash and Jasper are snuggly. Wesley loves to chase them. A few days ago, Flash caught a mouse in the backyard. We were grateful for that. (us Miller women do not like mice!) I saved Flash's life. 3 times. I will write about that story another time. But I'm grateful that I was able to save him. Ziggy makes such beautiful songs. I love to listen to him sing. When you are filled with joy, sing praises. I love music. I love to sing. Even when I am off key. I do believe that I was blessed with the gift of music. I haven't practiced in a few years, and sadly am not as good as I once was. (but I'm as good once as I ever was). The first person to name what song and artist that line is a reference to, I'll give you a free massage! :)

I am grateful for the opportunity I have to go to school this year. I have learned a lot, and I have only been in school for 2 terms! I am so excited everyday to learn more about massage and other elements of natural healing. Aubrey, Deven, Heather, Caulene and I decided to go to Bodyworlds on Friday. It was absolutely amazing. I love learning about our bodies. And how to take good care of them. I am grateful to be going into a profession in which I am able to help people learn how to take better care of themselves. 

I am grateful for prayer. For meditation. For opportunities to speak with our Heavenly Father. He listens. And although it may not always be what or when we want to hear it, he does answer. Miracles happen everyday, and they are not just by coincidence. 

I am grateful for modern technology. Okay, maybe I watch a little too much tv...but I just can not get enough of Zachary Levi as Chuck. Seriously, could I just take him home? I need the Nerd Herd to come fix my computer. I also love getting lost in Heroes and House, M.D. 

And of course, there is my movie and Wii addictions. The last movie I watched, well is actually a tv series called the 4400. I'm on the 2nd season and I cannot wait to find out what will happen to Lilly and Isabel. I am grateful for these, as they are an easy way to sometimes just unwind and escape reality for a little while. 

I made a mii (the Wii character-thingy) and I named it A-mii. :) I thought it was creative!

I really am grateful for everything in my life. Even my trials that make me feel sad. But I am grateful for the ability we have to overcome them, and to get up off our feet, dust ourselves off and press forward. 

Even as I say these things, I feel much better now that I have turned my focus more toward being grateful. But I could still use a hug. So, I am off to seek out my children. 

With all my love, 

Aimee

Oh, and a P.S. I am trying to get past this level on Super Mario Galaxy, it's a water level, and I can't seem to learn how to swim properly. If you can do this, come win that level for me! :)

An intro to myself and my children.

Yes, you read that right. The Queen.

Looking back on my life these past few years, I have found that my life has been full of blessings. Full of laughter, tears, joy, anger, and all those emotions that seem to be present as we press forward.
I am Aimee. The Queen of my nest! I am the mother of two beautiful children; a girl and a boy. I also mother two dogs; both boys. And a little parakeet; also boy. They take up pretty much the most of my time. They also create most of my joy.

Christy who is 3, is my beauty. She has brown beautiful hair. Exquisite features and beautiful eyes that alternate between a deep brown and a hazel. She is very curious about all things. She loves Daycare, playing with friends, mischief, going to church and music...she loves almost everything that any 3 year old loves. She is very articulate, especially for her age. Nobody believes me when I tell them she is 3 years old. She is my best friend.

Wesley is almost 14 months. He has blond hair and blue eyes. If you were to see his dad, you may wonder where on earth he got his blond and blues. He is a good looking boy. He is strong, fast, and just as curious as his sister. He is very smart. He loves to eat. Loves to play. and he loves to sleep. (isn't that the life?!)

Jasper is my poodle. He is my baby dog. Curly, white and apricot. (until I get him groomed...) Named after Stephenie Meyer's vampire, he also has a few of Jasper's calming traits. He is very good to just sit and snuggle. Especially when he is most needed.

Flash is my lab mix. He is black, with white and tan legs. A white tip on his tail and a few spots here and there. He is a big dumb dog. But he is loving and protective of his family. I don't worry about anything happening to my children or me when he is around. He is a "no-conditions" loving dog. I have saved his life about 3 times. And he has saved my sanity for atleast twice that much. I love my big dumb dog!

Ziggy, the parakeet. He is blue and white. He loves to sing. He loves to play. And loves to look at himself in the mirror. He is just a little bit vain! lol

I am currently a student at Provo College. I am going through the Therapeutic Massage program at the school. I love massage. I have always wanted to learn how to do it, and am so greatful for this opportunity to do this. I have such a passion for it. So if you are ever in need of a massage, please let me know. I would love to help ease your aches and pains! lol!
I love to cook, especially when there is music playing. And when I have time.
Dancing is one of my favorite things to do, especially ballroom dancing.
I love to laugh. I love to sing. And I love to sit and talk with someone.
I am very competitive, so if you want to play a game with me, just prepare to lose. :)
I am very excited for my future. I look forward to the holidays and starting fresh a new year.

So there are a few things about my little family and me.
I hope you enjoy reading my new blog as much as I enjoy writing in it!

Please feel free to post comments!

Love to all, Aimee