Sunday, November 16, 2008

What I've been up to...

It's been a while since I have updated my blog.

So, we had Halloween, which was a blast! Christy went as Princess Giselle and Wesley was Tigger. I went as the Corpse Bride. I used my very own wedding dress. I trashed it. And by trashed, I mean ripped, cut with scissors, singed with fire, rolled in the dirt, ran over it with the cars, etc... It was actually quite therapeutic, and it turned out great. Anyway, I will post pictures later, as the pictures are on Kaytlyn's camera, and I don't know where she went....(probably to bed).

Then we had voting day. I don't think I will tell you who I voted for or if I lived in Cali what I would have voted for. This blog is to be hate free. (Unless we talk about evil things like the devil himself, whom can not be talked about infront of little ears.)

This last Thursday we went to court for Temporary Orders. Basically, it just means we now have rules until this divorce is final. I won full physical custody (which is what was most important to me) and the ex has to pay a little more money than I even thought he would have had to. My lawyer is amazing!
The ex was angry, to say the least. He went squealing out of the parking lot. I'm sure to some it may look and sound as though I am being mean and spiteful to him. However, I feel that I am only looking out for the best interests of my children. It's hard thing to decide. I do not wish divorce upon anyone. Especially if there are children involved. I hope one day that the ex and I will be able to get over this hate. I don't really hate him. I hate how he makes me feel. The way he bullies me. The way he yelled at me infront of our children and belittles me when I am not there. (Yes, dear, little ears do tattle on you.). I hope that he can find happiness in his life.
I can not wait for this to be final. I want to be able to go out with friends and not feel like "hi, I am Aimee. You're cute, but um...I'm still married." Yeah, no good. I am so ready to move forward in my life.
I miss the feeling of being in love. I don't want to rush into anything, I mean seriously, I don't want to be in a deep relationship for a while. I have to get some other things in my life in order. But I do miss the thrill of being chased. I can't remember the last time that I was actually chased. The last time I got flowers, chocolates, a note. A smile. Or even just getting dressed up to take me somewhere special. I miss the deep conversation and getting to know each other. I don't think that even after being married for 25 years that you can't find something new about your SO (Significant Other).
As much as I miss that, though, I am so excited to get back in touch with myself. I used to be an out doorsy girl, and "on the go" girl. I feel like that has been taken from me. For almost four years, I have not been on a roller coaster, done something risky (like bungee jumping), haunted houses, gone dancing, laughed whole heartedly at myself, tried new things, or even played my guitar. Those are things that I love. Things that partly make me me. I am so looking forward to summer and a trip to Lagoon. Or maybe even the big DL. I want to go bungee jumping. I have gone dancing twice in the past two months and both times were way fun. I only really danced at one of those occasions, but I am dying to go again.
Yesterday, Kaytlyn and I were playing Barbies with Christy and I don't remember what I did, I was goofing off, and I laughed until there were tears in my eyes. It was a whole hearted laugh. It felt so good.
I even joined the ward choir today.
I feel like this part of me that was dead is coming back. The best thing about it is, I get to have me kids involved. They really are my whole life. I love them so much. I will continue to fight for them until this ugly divorce is over.

I realize a lot of this is rambling. But, it feels good to ramble today. I have a lot on my mind and feel that some stress has been taken away since Thursday. Even though it's not the permanent arrangement, yet, I am greatful for rules so that he no longer can bully me into things that are not right or things that I do not want to do. He no longer has that power. And I feel like a great weight has been lifted from me. And I even find myself enjoying the feeling of getting dressed up, for no one. It's fabulous.
I really do hope that none of you have to go through the ugly D word. But if you find yourself in that situation and need a shoulder to cry on or to understand, I am here. I also have an amazing lawyer, the best Marilyn Moody Brown.

I will do more of an update later, when I am feeling a little less "rambly". (That is now my word, I made it up!)



Anonymous said...

Aimee, I am so proud of you! You are strong and amazing and I LOVE this post. Besides the kids part, it could have been written by me! You are going to get through this stronger and more confident and your ass of an ex-husband is going to look back on it and wish for his old life back. I love you! And will you call me if you do something crazy? I'm in that kind of mood. :)

JULiE said...

Congratulations on the temporary stipulation order. You deserve what you got. I am so happy for you! Just remember that things will pass and time will move on. You're doing a wonderful thing and will eventually be rewarded.

Aubstar said...

Good morning, Aimee!

The rest of the world has been waiting for you the last four years...

Welcome back to the adventure.

It's only going to get better from here.


P.S. Coconut Chicken Curry on Wednesday... (until further notice...) You don't want to miss it.

Fabulous Fillmores said...

Hey, I am glad that you are getting intouch with yourself again and that you are expressing your feelings. Don't keep them locked inside! Good for you for trying to move on and be better!!! So happy for you becoming you again. We love you so much!

The Brownies said...

I LOVE YOU!!! your s great mama :):):)

Deb Williams said...

I am glad you are finding a place to rant and rave...even if it is nice ranting and raving! I think that apart of the process is letting it all out too. so i am glad you are!!! Love and miss you!