All I want for Christmas...

Is my very own home!
This is mine and Christy's dream house. Every day on our way home, she and Wesley both ask when we can live there. It's totally me.

This is our dream home:
http://www.premierhomesofutah.com/fine/real/estate/home_view/fromfea/1001444/mlsname/WFRMLS/myid2273901

We've been so busy these past few months. I'm still working on being positive and happy. As well as my school work. I found out that I was still covered by insurance until the end of the year, so I've been rushing to get into the doctors, dentists and eye care specialists. I have new glasses, some contacts, some new meds and tomorrow, I'll have new teeth! Yay! No more hillbilly teeth for me!!!! I have my finals this week and then a two week break for the holidays.
Christy is learning so much. She is reading really well. She had her very first concert this month. It was the Magic of Christmas. She is in the Scera Youth Theater Alpha Actors. She loves it so much. And she does really well. She is a beautiful and strong young woman. I can't believe how fast they grow!
Wesley is such a boy. Still loves his trains, cars and balls. He loves playing with his friend Coleman. He also loves to torture the cats, chase the dog and find mischief as often as he can before he is caught. He is my little man. He caught croup from my sister. So, he is not himself at the moment. Just lying around and feeling icky. But mommy's oils and cool air and steamy showers should do the trick. I'm hoping to avoid the drs this time around, but know that if it is necessary, we'll be in there!
We are really excited for our break that is coming up. It is so needed. And of course, the kids are super excited for Santa Claus to come visit, as well as our annual traditions that we have during the holiday season.

Holy Cow! What a week!

Actually, I think a more appropriate term would be 'Holy Turkey'. Well, whichever you prefer, it was a busy and yet, relaxing week.
I've just started my new classes. Medical Billing and Vital signs and Emergencies. I'm being CPR and AED certified again. I'm actually really excited. I like being prepared. Medical Billing is a little boring, but it's important stuff to know.
Last Tuesday, there were many reports of this huge, death eating blizzard coming to town. Lots of businesses were shut down early, schools were canceled, etc. So, we never saw a single snowflake, at least not that day. So, I spend the day packing and getting ready to take off the next day for Winnemucca the drop off for my kiddos to go have Thanksgiving with their dad. (it's our half way point). The drive up wasn't so bad, except for some problems with my credit card (CURSE YOU CAPITAL ONE!). The company was great, I went up with my amazing friend Gina. We had some good times hanging out and freaking out.
Thursday was great. I slept in. Watched some tv in bed. Hung out with my fam. Prepared with my siblings for their Black Friday adventures. Our turkey was amazing. My mom and my Aunt Candy prepared some delicious eats, as always. Friday, I slept in. I didn't want to go shopping, because, I wanted to sleep in again. Friday, I didn't do a dang thing, except some homework.
Saturday and Sunday were days that made me grateful for my life. Saturday, my mom and I drove up to Winnemucca to pick up the kids. On the drive up, we found this death eating blizzard. It was so scary. We saw cars and trucks off the side of the road everywhere. There was even a big truck that had tipped over and lost most of its cargo. I hope that the driver was safe. I have never been so aware and awake. It was super scary. We made it to our hotel in about 8 hours. (It usually takes only 6) We decided to go have dinner at the Winnemucca Casino. Which, was pretty good. There were these ladies there, mother and her daughters. They were sitting at the table, coffee pot and they each had a lap top. They were playing FARMVILLE!!! I can hardly believe some people. LOL!
Then Sunday, after EX dropped off the kids, we loaded up and headed back down to Orem. The roads were clear as could be until we hit Tooele. Then, it just started to fall. We were sliding everywhere. We were going 15 - 20 MPH. I was taking no chances. This drive on the way back was so bad. There were cops, firetrucks and ambulances every 10 - 20 miles, helping somebody else get out of a ditch, or out of someone elses bumper. It was so bad. I wanted to kiss the ground when we got home. It took us 9 hours. And we only stopped once.
I can't say I hate the snow, it's really pretty and we have some good times making snowmen, snow angels, lazer tagging, sledding, etc. However, I hate driving in it. I hate the fear it gives me.
But, I am so grateful that we made it home. I am so grateful to be alive right now and to be living my life. There are many, many things about my situation right now that are less than desirable, but they are my problems, and I am alive to face them. And I don't have to do it alone. I have a family who loves me, friends that are unconditionally there, and most important of all, I have a Heavenly Father who wants me to bring my problems to him. He provided me a Savior, Jesus Christ, who will help me to overcome my shortcomings. I am indeed, one lucky gal.

I am thankful for friends

So I've been doing a lot of thinking about my last post. I have been such a downer lately. I need to change my spirits. If nothing else changes, that has to. So,
Here are some things I am doing to try to improve my outlook on my life:

• Every Day I begin the morning with "I am thankful for..." and then state something I am thankful for. I am getting my children involved as well.
• Celebrating successes. Getting up in the morning and out of bed. That is a success.
• Finding things I enjoy - and doing them.
  
• Turning up the music loud!! I believe music to be a powerful source
• Studying Anatomy. That probably doesn't make a lot of sense. But have you ever sat down and studied all the body systems? It's AMAZING what our bodies do. That's a reminder that God loves us.
  
• I'm praying with my children.
  
• I'm smiling - even if it's a "fake it until I make it" kind of smile.
  
• I'm participating in #nanowrimo. Although I'm two days behind...but I'm not stressed about it. I'll just do the best I can do. Right?!

And I want to say thank you to my sweet friends who have such kind words. I don't think we would get anywhere in life without the people in it. So that is my Thankful for today.
I am thankful for friends. Not just friends, but great friends. Friends who love me and accept me for who I am - Even when I'm in a funk or being a little crazy. I love you guys!

Confessions

I have really been having some up and down days. Or maybe months.
I'm going to share something super personal, because I want to try to see if blogging it and getting it out in the open will help me. I've tried a lot of other methods.

Story time. When I was in the 8th grade, I made an attempt at suicide. After a few doctor's appointments I was put on some anti-depressants. After I had Christy, Rob and I moved to Utah. We moved into our own apartment and I made a second attempt. Until I heard Christy crying and, I kindof came to my senses. I began seeing a therapist and my doctor. The discovery was I was on the wrong meds. Birth Control! (I was on birth control early to help regulate my cycle) I have been on almost every known birth control on the market today. Birth control makes me very suicidal, depressed and maybe even a little crazy.
I'm not on any birth control at the moment. But I am feeling very depressed. I'm not feeling suicidal. I do know that I have so much to live for. I have my darling children, a wonderful family, the most amazing friends, and my snuggly animals. I love my life. Most days. But I have found myself at a point in my life that I feel very down. I don't like to go out and be with people. I have to argue with myself to get out and be with friends. It takes a lot for me to talk to people at school. I just don't get it. I am not a hermit. Not usually. Normally, I have a lot of spunk. I generally get along with everyone. I love my friends and I love going out. Usually. At least, that's the me that I am missing.
I fear all the time what people will think of me. I want to be loved. My biggest fear is of being alone. I don't talk to a soul about what I am going through, at least not my deepest concerns. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm stubborn. I probably have a lot of pride. My mom definitely is not the type to just sit and listen. And my dad already has enough on his plate, that I would feel horrible adding to it anymore than I do. I don't even pray anymore. I feel like I'm losing faith. That worries me. I don't know what I believe at the moment. I believe there is a God. I think that I believe in Jesus Christ. But, I don't know that I believe that the LDS really is the truest. I just don't know.
My ex told me, at the end of our marriage, that I had to choose between him and being LDS. At the time I really struggled with that decision. I don't regret it. I don't regret leaving him. I still believe I am doing what I am supposed to. But I don't know that I believe as strongly about being LDS as I did then. I have been through a lot of garbage, and I know that there are people who go through much worse, but my trials have really taken a chunk of my faith with them.
I'm not happy. I no longer have the motivation I used to have. I'm tired. I'm sad. I'm lonely and I'm depressed. Maybe this is because I am not very active in my faith anymore. Maybe those feelings have some justified reason to be there. I do wish having someone to talk to. God are you listening?
To tell you the truth, I do believe that I struggle with depression. I know I do. But I don't really think it is a chemical thing. I think it's more of a life sucks at the moment kind of deal. I know that eventually life will get better. At least, I do have a hope that it will.
So, most of this was just a ramble. It's my blog, I get to do that!
I will leave you with hope. My hope is that life will get better. Maybe not easier. But better.

Self Perception

Aimee according to Aimee
Self Perception
by Aimee Barker

These days, I mostly see myself as a lonely, homely hermit. But, on a good day, I see me as a hardworking, self-motivated single mom. I am kind and generous, but maybe not enough. I can be selfish. I’m very stubborn. I’m not afraid to ask for help, but I often wait until it’s almost too late. I am a faithful and loyal friend. I have an insatiable appetite for adventure, and am always busy with something – even if it’s just blogging or tweeting. I think that my adventurousness often gets me into trouble, or creates strange meals. My laugh is funny. I’m generally optimistic, but once a month I tend to be very cynical. Sometimes I am outgoing, sometimes I am shy. I am nerdy and weird, but I prefer the term unique. I can be clingy and boring. Sometimes I am funny and spontaneous. I am always looking for the best way to make life better for my children. And myself.

Photo Scholarship! (I NEED MONEY FOR SCHOOL!!)

Me and My BFF Brickfish

Let Go and Let God

School for Christy is now in full swing, I have about a week and a half to go!
Christy loves Kindergarten. She loves playing with friends and learning her letters.
I love having the mornings to just be with Wesley. It's wonderful bonding time.

This morning he is playing with his cars. Mostly, the cars are just dropped down the stairs, but he didn't want any help from me! Silly little guy!

There really isn't a whole lot happening around here yet.
I'm still single, and loving it.
I saw Ex a few days ago. He stayed in a hotel and I dropped the kids off to stay the night with him. I don't miss him, but I miss the feeling of being in a relationship. I know it will come, and it's in God's time frame, not mine. But, still. Don't you think it would be nice if he would atleast tell me when, who or how I am to meet my significant other?

I keep doing this yo-yo thing with God. I say, "Here God, I can't handle all of these trials and tasks you've given me, so I'm giving them to you to deal with." And a few days later I say, "Wait! I think that maybe I didn't give it enough effort or time, So let me have them back and I'll keep working on them." Even though I know I should just Let Go and Let God, I'm just too darn stubborn for my own good. Hmm....

In the mean time, I think I'm going to go snuggle my little boy and forget about the tasks that are needing to be done for a little while longer!

School Days, Bird Massacres, and many adventures to come!

"Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address."
That quote is from You've Got Mail. That's one of my favorite chick flick movies. I heart Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan!

Well, school has begun! My little girl, Christy, has begun Kindergarten. I can hardly believe she is 5 years old and old enough to go to school. Didn't I just have her? Weren't we just snuggling on the couch watching Baby Einsteins? Well, Baby Einsteins are no longer the craze in this little family. Our new favorite kid show to watch together is Phineas and Ferb. We adore it!

This is Miss C on her first day of school. She picked out her sweater dress to wear and was quite adorable, if I do say so myself. When we got to school, her teacher handed her a name tag. She had spelled C's name Kristy... My little girl took a look at the tag, and looked back up at the teacher and laughed, "Um...That's not my name. I spell it C-H-R-I-S-T-Y." So she got a new name tag! I love that girl!

While I've been home with little man, Wes, we've been doing something uber important: POTTY TRAINING! He's taking it slow and is really more of a 'I'm going to do what I want, when I want' kind of a guy.


Wesley will also be going to school. He's super excited to go to preschool. Although, I'm not sure he knows exactly what that means, he asks if he gets to go almost daily.I can hardly believe how darling and how big my babies are. Seriously, my little boy is no longer a baby. It makes me sad. But my kittens and my dog don't mind that I baby them, so it works out some, I suppose.



Christy likes to play with the camera. Sometimes, you get scary pictures like this one. Here I am, making some dinner and some lemon cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. Oh my goodness, they were amazing. I'm sorry you didn't get to eat one. :-)



We've also had some excitement here since we've been at Grammies house. One afternoon when Christy and I had returned from school, my dad came out of the kitchen and told us to wait until he had cleaned up the "crime scene". My kitten, Midnight, had knocked over the bird cage, and this cat, Milo, was caught eating one. I'm sure in about 6 months my mom will finally see the comedy in this event, however in the meantime, the cats hide from Gram when she's around. The rest of the time, Milo sits here, under the cabinet waiting for the other bird to fall so he can finish his meal.



Along with all the excitement of school and cat nips, I have also decided to head back to school. This time I will be attending Steven's Henager's Medical Assistant program. It will take me about two years to finish the program, and then I will be hopefully on my way to a great career. I am excited to add to my resume and my knowledge. I love learning about the human body and ways to improve our health. There are so many different body types and so many different types of healing. It's amazing.

I hope that you are all doing well! As one season ends, another great one is beginning...I don't only mean the wonderful crisp smell of fall that is present in the mornings, but many of my favorite tv shows will be beginning! Chuck, House, and Bones!
Don't forget that Chuck Season 3 comes out on DVD this week! And the Psych and True Blood season finales are happening this week, too!

Have an excellent week!

I love to laugh!

Children.
Dogs.
Kittens.
Gina.
My Mom.
Caillou.
Ashley's Adventures.
Wesley.
Christy.
Jessica.
Utah's two seasons: Winter and Construction.
Potty words.
Will Ferrell.
Sookie Stackhouse and Eric Northman.
Aubrey's Tweets.
Arguments between Mom and Kaytlyn.
Naughty Jokes.
Weird Al.
Joel David Moore.
Zachary Levi.
Silly Songs.
Roller Coasters.
Adam Sandler.
Whose Line is it Anyway?

These are just a few things that make me laugh. I believe the secret to getting through life is having a good dose of humor. I love laughing. It's not uncommon for me to finish a bad day with a Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler movie, or a good book. It usually does the trick. Add a dose of chocolate or some other greasy food that isn't even remotely good for you....it will make it even better!

Hello? Who am I?

Like most people, my self confidence and self worth is always up and down. And like most people my social skills change as I change.
Lately, I have found that not only do I not have a lot of self confidence or self worth, but I also feel I lack certain social skills. Do other parents ever feel this way?
I've been so privileged to hang out with my very good friends here and there over the few weeks I've been in Utah. But I am in an awkward stage, I feel.
I often feel the odds are against me. Generally it feels that way. I never have enough money. I'm 25 years old and I'm living with my parents, again! I can not seem to lose weight, even with proper diet and exercise. Even after all of that walking I did. I don't feel very pretty. And as much as I say I don't want to date or put myself out there...I'm really, really lonely. I miss having someone to share my day with. My thoughts, my vents/rants, my dreams. So, I'm blogging some of them. I miss having Ashley close. We just mesh so well and have similar life situations. I believe that someday my time will come and that special guy will come along, but I really doubt myself alot lately. I am questioning my faith. I'm really struggling, even when I'm smiling and laughing all the time...
I laugh and get obnoxious because I don't cry. I don't want to let down that guard that has taken me years to build up. Although I know crying is a great way to release those nasty toxins, I just can't seem to do it.
Remember the movie, The Holiday, until the very end Amanda (Cameron Diaz) can't cry. After her break up she sits on the desk and trys over and over to cry. I feel like that all the time.

So, I'm feeling pretty lost. I need to find myself, please help?!


Oh and while I'm rambling...I have something I wanted to say to my friends; Aubrey, Heather, Caulene and Deven... A short letter to you! "I love you! I love our gatherings. I've missed you all so very much and cannot even say enough good things about you! I want to apologize for some of my awkwardness. I always feel that I'm either talking to much, not enough, awkward or not about the right things. I recognize a lot of it could be just me being silly....I do that sometimes....So, my dear friends, I apologize immensely for my lack of social skills at the moment. I'll get better, promise. Just love me while I'm getting there, please!! And if I'm not awkward, then carry on carry on! Love you lots! See you soon. Sincerely, Me!"

Aren't we always on a journey to find our best selves? I haven't given up on me. I've just been pushed back a few paces (I've probably jogged backwards myself for a lot of it). I'll be back on that road and back to my old self again. I hope.

Kisses!

Aimee

Perfectly Lonely

"You're going to be married in a year" ...That's what my mom has been saying. "You should really think about getting married, it would help you out" Says Dad.

I say, no thanks, I'm too busy. I have too much baggage. I have nothing to offer. I'm waiting for Zachary Levi. Etc, etc, etc.
I use every excuse I can possibly make up, usually on the spot. But I'm afraid, the truth is that, I really am lonely. I miss having someone to share my days with. I miss having a mans voice in my home. I would say I miss having someone to sleep next to, but I currently share a room with my 2 little ones, our dog and our 2 kittens. They ALL sleep with me on our little bed. But I do miss having another person to carry them off to their own beds. I miss having movie watching companion, someone to read scriptures with in the morning. A make-out buddy, with a commitment. Of course, the other intimacies that come with being married.
I do have a lot of baggage, though. As I said I have 2 children,



Even though they are cute as heck, they are noisy rambunctious little children. And I'm pretty sure Christy is in the belief that any man I think is cute, must be Zac Levi. That would be my fault. I use his name as a cop out nearly every time. NO, I'm not really waiting for him. But I certainly wouldn't say no right away if he came waltzing into my life! Plus, we would make a cute couple, don't you think?!



Along with my two children, I have my dog, Jasper. He is a poodle-pom mix. The store called him a Pom-Poo-Poo. Don't tell my children, they think it's the funniest thing in the world.




I also have two kittens. Midnight is our black kitten, with green eyes. I call her the halloween cat. The silver/gray tabby is Gus-Gus. They are crazy, rambunctious and possibly more destructive than Ashley's children and my children put together. But I love them. Except when I have the joy of cleaning out the litter box..maybe if you want to convice me to get rid of them, do it while I'm elbow deep in kitty litter. But, I do love them. And I LOVE what they have done for my children.



As I'm writing this I'm thinking, look at all these "children" I have chosen to care for...how could I be lonely? What could possibly give a man cause to even think he could handle us? Well, I'm sure I have some good qualities to make us worthwhile. I can cook! I can sing, play piano and guitar. I scrapbook, love to travel, and I'm very nerdy. I'm a Comic-Con attendee and I sometimes watch movies, or read books, I probably shouldn't. But I do it, because well, I want to. I don't know that that's really a win. But it could be. I enjoy being outdoors, and being active. I love God. And I'm a Christian. I'm also partly Jewish. I love to celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas. I adore anything nautical or comic book related. I think I am pretty awesome. I don't know about awesomely pretty, but I'm not ugly either. Not to toot my own horn or anything. :-)

Of course, I'm not unhappy with my life. I love where I am. I love that I am confident in my skills as a mom, most days. I'm doing a lot of things that are out of my comfort zone, but I'm finding them to be easier and easier as I just do them. I'm always busy doing something, even if that something is lying out on the lawn reading a book, or taking my kids to the dollar movies. If it's too hot, we're at the canyon or the dinosaur museum. If it's too cold, we're inside playing games, roasting marshmallows in the fire place or snuggling up to a movie. Most days are "go go go". I love that. I love my kids. I love my fuzzy babies. I love my friends and my family. But I do miss having that special someone who I know is meant just for me. I am as John Mayer sings, Perfectly Lonely. But, "And this is not to say, There never comes a day, I'll take my chances and start again, And when I look behind, On all my younger times I have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong" I look forward to having that love that is so strong. And sharing my life and love with my significant other. Zac Levi, take your time, though. I'm still in a hurry up and wait mode. I'm determined to enjoy every moment of my life and make a good lesson of my trials. And take the bumbs and bruises that come along with it. And maybe even the heartaches, and the loves too. After all, we only have one life and it's too short to concentrate on the negative things and put your life on hold while waiting for that person. I am Perfectly Lonely!



Had a little love, but I spread it thin
Falling in her arms and out again
Made a bad name for my game around town
Tore up my heart, and shut it down

Nothing to do
Nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do
No one but me
And that's all I need

I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely (Yeah)
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

I see friends around from time to time
When their ladies let them slip away
And when they ask me how I'm doing with mine
This is always what I say

Nothing to do
Nowhere to be
A simple little kind of free
Nothing to do
No one to be
Is it really hard to see

Why I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely (Yeah)
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

And this is not to say
There never comes a day
I'll take my chances and start again
And when I look behind
On all my younger times
I have to thank the wrongs that led me to a love so strong

I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely
I'm perfectly lonely (Yeah)
'Cause I don't belong to anyone
Nobody belongs to me

(It's the way, it's the way, it's the way that I want it)


XOXO, Aimee Lynn

Validation TJ Thyne (from Bones)

I love this video and feel like I need to post it at least once every few months!

Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore

Now that I've been home in Utah, really home, things are starting to slow down so I can start the process for job and apartment hunting. Neither of these are an easy task. Especially when you add children into the mixture. Of course, I would never trade in my children to make my life easier, not that I don't on occasion fantasize about it. Of course, this only lasts about 2 seconds before I realize how much I would really miss the laughter and the love that can only come from your child. It's special to be somebody's parent. My kids stand up for me. Nobody can call me names, tease me, my own mom can't even tell me to take a shower with out my daughter saying, "My mom smells sweet, she doesn't need to shower." I just love that!
My Christy has been gone for the past two weeks. She will be with her dad until tomorrow. It's just been one - on - one with Wesley. I have enjoyed every second of our special time. He will be leaving to be at dad's for two weeks on Monday morning. I am excited as can be to have special time with my Christy, but I will miss my son so so much. He's a momma's boy. And I'm that boy's momma!
There are many things about Utah that I have missed. The beauty of the mountains. The waterfalls, the nature. My parents, my sisters and my brother. My wonderful friends. The fireworks!! There is something very special about finding those special friends. I've been mostly lucky in that department. I've written about our Thursday dinners before. And although they don't always happen on a Thursday, they are almost every week. I love being with good people, who love me and accept me just the way that I am. Those people can sometimes be hard to find.
As much as I am loving being back in Utah, I am missing a lot about California. For one thing, Comic Con is happening this week. I missed the Chuck Tweet-up Party, at which the cast showed up. Gah! The nerve of some people, having a Chuck party without me! ;-)
Last night as I was lamenting and throwing a mini fit over missing this grand festivity, I realized, I'm not really missing Chuck, Comic Con or California. I am really missing my Ramona Walking Buddy. But I don't like to get too sensitive, because I might cry, so Comic Con seemed a good cover up.
Ashley and I met in church. My first Sunday in that ward, I didn't know why, but I just felt the second she walked into Relief Society, that we HAD to be friends. I smiled at her and waved. Probably several times. She thought I was some weird-o that wouldn't leave her alone! I was nervous about being in a new ward, town...State! A few weeks into my move, I got a job. But my job didn't pay regularly and I was barely making it. Ashley took my two littles in while I worked. And knowing I didn't have any money, she allowed me to pay her as I got paid. I feel horrible sometimes about it, she often would watch them for little to nothing, and she included their lunch and snacks. Our children learned to play together. And as I would hang out for hours after work, we seemed to bond really well. We had a lot in common. Our longing to be at home with our children, our creativity (even though we express our creativity through other outlets), our love of cooking/baking, our poverty, and our carlessness. Often, she would take me out with her foodstamps and buy my groceries, and I would take what little money I had earned from that week, and buy her diapers and wipes. Mind you, we walked to the grocery store or Kmart to purchase all of these things. We walked to WIC offices together, trying to tame our toddlers. Our 4 children (and her one on the way - Ollie) were naughty most of the time. I'm sure some wondered how we did it. We wondered how we did it. Burger King closed their playground. (I'm quite certain our toddlers had something to do with it's demise...)
Ashely is a wonderful friend. She is always kind, optimistic and positive. She's always baking something, even when it's 110 degrees outside and her children are driving her crazy.
She gardens and sows, even into the wee hours of the morning. She definitely deserves the crown of Domestic Goddess. She's the friend that I know I can call on anytime, even at 2am and know that she will listen, completely. She's the friend that came and flushed my dead goldfish, and cleaned out the cupboards that contained a mouse, because I was too chicken to do it. She's the friend who said, "Of course you can do it" When I said that I was done. She believed in me always, even when I couldn't see anything.
I believe that the kind of person you are is reflected in your children. Ashley's children (along with being normal little rambunctious boys) are very kind-hearted. Always wanting to be their best, even when it's hard for them to be. I miss sweet little Caillou's heart felt, "Can I come play at your house?", "Will you come with me", etc..
Just a few days before I had to leave, I stopped by to check on little Ollie real quick before I had to head to a family gathering. When I got inside, Caillou came running straight out of the tub to see me. Great big smile. And Jasper was calling me. "Aimee Aimee" I have never in my life felt so loved, besides my own children of course. These boys are such angels. And just like my children, their horns are holding up those halos. :-)
Every problem we have had has either been solved or been made into something severely comical. Several times we wished for a video camera to film all of our adventures. I'm pretty sure a major network would have picked up our reality show in an instant. We are worth it! There was never, ever a dull moment when we got together. I love our little stitched together family. Yes, in the end of my little Ramona adventure, that is what she became. Ashley was more than just a friend, she was a Godsend. She was a sister. Those boys are just like my nephews. They are a major part of my family. They always will be.
I still don't understand all the reasons God had me go to Ramona, but I will be happy even if it was just to learn, and grow and laugh and gain a sister in all the process.

You're the best, Ashley!

I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends in my life, and even more so to have quite a few of them.

"Yesterday brought the beginning, tomorrow brings the end, and somewhere in the middle we became the best of friends. ~Author Unknown"

Passionate, Productive and Possitive

Kaytlyn, The girl with the golden hair. Kaytlyn came to visit and help us pack and clean up for our move back to Zion. She is amazing. She is a "feel-good" kind of person. I could not imagine life without her.

Our Souveniers from California: Gus-Gus and Midnight
We love our newest additions. They have just given Christy more than I even know how to express.

My dear friend Ashley and I with our darling babies. We walked almost everywhere together: the grocery stores, the WIC offices, McDonalds, Kmart, La Cocina, and Collier Park. We had so many great adventures and made many unforgettable memories.

Christy and Wesley love visiting Grandpa and Siobhan in Ranchita. This was one of the beautiful sunsets out there. It's beautiful.



So, I went to California. I did great things. Great things happened to me. I saw a lot of things I never would have. I learned a lot of things that I never would have. I am so grateful I moved to California. But, one thing I did learn was that, until Zac Levi wants to settle down with this cute girl, California was too expensive for this single mom and her two kids.
I had a lot of trials in Cali. I lost my car and my babysitter in about the same month. My clientele picked up really fast at first, and then wasn't enough to sustain a lifestyle out there. I mean any lifestyle. I even checked out the riverbeds for a place to stay one month while facing eviction.
Through these trials I learned quite a few things though. My family will always be there for me. Maybe not the way I think they should, but they are there regardless; Life is too short to be taken too seriously; Walking is actually enjoyable. I LOVE walking. It's even better if you do it with a friend and her darling little boys; just because a boy likes me, doesn't mean he is worthy of my time; Home is having your children with you; childhood is short, toddlers will be toddlers, etc, etc. The list could go on.
I am grateful for the time I spent in Cali. And I would like to plan to go back sometime. Or maybe, Ashely and Zac could move here?
As for the time being, I am back in Orem, Utah. I love catching up with my friends. Aubrey, Deven, Heather and Caulene took me out to lunch at Cafe Paesan the day after we got into town. And as wonderful as the food was, the reminder that we could just pick up where we left off and continue with our friendships was wonderful. It was refreshing. I am so looking forward to spending more time with them.
I'm excited for the adventures to be had here in Utah. I'm already getting excited to sign up for Sundance Film Festival, Festival of Trees and all of the marvelous activities that Utah has to offer.
As much as I miss my dear family and friends in Ramona, I know that this is where the Lord wants me to be for now. So, I'm holding my head up high and saying "Here I am, Life, give me what you've got". I know I can measure up to whatever life has in store for me.

My goals are to be productive, be positive and be passionate.

So, lets do this!

Our life in pictures...again

This month we have had many adventures. The "ex" came into town for a day and we went to the Wild Animal Park.

Christy LOVED riding on the carousel (sp?) Isn't she just a doll?


Wesley got a hair cut! He looks so handsome. He is very much a "GQ" kindof guy, with a lot of rough and tumble in the mix.


This happens occasionally on our busy days after we have walked through town on some of our adventures.



Note to parents: dont get lice. Lice is a pain. It is yucky, yucky, yuck. And 30 dollars in quarters only does about 6 loads of laundry. I very much dislike doing laundry at the laundromat.

We have had many adventures within the past few weeks. I don't think we have had a dull day yet!

A vent of the "experts"

Some people need to keep their mouths shut.
If you don't like the fact that our kids watch Sesame Street, keep it to yourself. Or use tact. Do you know what that is?

Last night my dear friend, Ashley and I attended our Relief Society activity. It was a sewing activity, and because we had children, we sat in the back corner to keep our children entertained and out of the way. As we were leaving, we were discussing how we missed having the kids channels. Then the lady turned around.

"I would never let my kids watch that KUED trash!"
"Sesame Street is so NEGATIVE!"
"I can't believe your kids go to bed so late"
"Shouldn't they be in bed by 8:00?"
"Blah blah Blah"

Not that I'm really that sensitive, okay, maybe sometimes, but come on people! I don't feel I need to justify the fact that my children sometimes watch tv. Sometimes we even play video games. Shh....shame on me!

So, I was thinking, just what is the best thing to do for my kids?
I know, I'm not a perfect mom, but my children are happy and healthy, even when they watch tv. Granted a little tv is much better than a LOT of tv. But I don't think, at least in my household, that banning the tv is going to make the situation better or worse.

What do you think?
Does it make a difference for you, when you are single parents or parents with a non-involved spouse?

Being a single mom is a lot harder than I ever could have imagined, and so I'm always looking for different ways to do the right thing. But what I have found is there are a lot of different parenting techniques, not one of which is the Right way, or the Only way, or the Best way. In my opinion, children are as different as the techniques that are out there. And only you - their legal guardian/mom/dad/etc - know the best way to work with your kids.

Although, I do find it funny, that many of the people and books that I have heard/read that want to offer me their advice are from those who have never been parents themselves. Not that they can't have great ideas, but I do find it a little offensive when they claim to be experts or drs, or whatever.

Okay, I'm done with my little vent. But what do you think? Thoughts?

It's possible that I love technology more than boys...

I have learned so much through these past months of being here in Ramona. As you know, from reading my blog, I've learned about being an adult, about loving my family. This month I've been trying to focus on all the things I have to be grateful for. Not that I have been very good at it lately. But this morning, as I was sitting around at work, I went through some of my favorite church puplications. Gordon B. Hinckley's, “A Prophet’s Counsel and Prayer for Youth,” has always been a favorite of mine. I love the "Be's".

1. Be grateful.

2. Be smart.

3. Be clean.

4. Be true.

5. Be humble.

6. Be prayerful.

Under Be grateful, it says this:

"Be grateful.

There are two little words in the English language that perhaps mean more than all others. They are “thank you.” Comparable words are found in every other language, such as gracias, merci, danke, obrigado, domo.

The habit of saying thank you is the mark of an educated man or woman. With whom is the Lord displeased? He names “those who confess not his hand in all things” (D&C 59:21). That is, those who walk without grateful expression. Walk with gratitude in your hearts, my dear friends. Be thankful for the wonderful blessings which are yours. Be grateful for the tremendous opportunities that you have. Be thankful to your parents, who care so very much about you and who have worked so very hard to provide for you. Let them know that you are grateful. Say thank you to your mother and your father. Say thank you to your friends. Say thank you to your teachers. Express appreciation to everyone who does you a favor or assists you in any way.

Thank the Lord for His goodness to you. Thank the Almighty for His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, who has done for you what none other in all this world could do. Thank Him for His great example, for His tremendous teachings, for His outreaching hand to lift and help. Think about the meaning of His Atonement. Read about Him and read His words in the New Testament and in 3 Nephi in the Book of Mormon. Read them quietly to yourself and then ponder them. Pour out your heart to your Father in Heaven in gratitude for the gift of His Beloved Son.

Thank the Lord for His marvelous Church restored in this great season of history. Thank Him for all that it offers you. Thank Him for friends and loved ones, for parents and brothers and sisters, for family. Let a spirit of thanksgiving guide and bless your days and nights. Work at it. You will find it will yield wonderful results." (Gordon B. Hinckley, “A Prophet’s Counsel and Prayer for Youth,” New Era, Jan. 2001, 4)

Although life isn't necessary going the way I want it to, there are many things I am grateful for.
Here's a short list:

• Family - I love my family. My children are my whole world. My sisters and brother are amazing. My mom is one smart cookie. And my dad is so supportive and understanding. My Aunts are awesome. Christy and Siobhan sure know how to make me smile and are great listeners. My Uncles are pretty darned cool too. And I have the cutest Grandpa in the world. And my Grammie, I love getting letters from her. Even my cousins are amazing.
  
• Friends - I don't even know how I got so lucky in this department. I mean, Aubrey has been my friend since we were what, like 11 or 12. She's pretty and smart, She also has good taste in music and her whole family is like my second home. I love the Harrison family. I miss our Thursday Dinners. Heather, Deven, Aubrey, sometimes Caulene, and I would get together and take turns making dinner. I love them. Ashley has been my lifesaver out here in Ramona. I don't think I could laugh so hard with anyone about being dirt poor and facing homelessness with as much class as we do. Okay, maybe there's no class about it. But I'm pretty sure that the streets and sidewalks of Ramona would be less beautiful without me and my waddling pregnant friend walking through town. Jenn has also been a lifesaver. She has been a source of much relief, especially for my children. It's so good to know that I can have my children be somewhere safe. And I appreciate having someone to talk to.
  
• Jasper, my dog. I love my poodle. I love the companionship and the security that comes from having a canine in the house. Even if he is small. (Sylar's mom found him! So, I'm down to just one dog, again!)
  
• Facebook and Twitter -I love being able to just voice about anything. Even if nobody really reads it, I'm grateful to have somewhere to openly vent to everyone and noone all at the same time. It's also great to connect with all these wonderful people!
  
• Technology. I love my computer, I love internet. I love my refrigerator. I love gaming in the middle of the night because I can't sleep. It's important to take out that frustration somewhere. I love my Iphone.
  
• Food, mostly in the form of chocolate or La Cocina. I wouldn't complain if it were italian either.
• CHUCK - I love laughing.
• TV on DVD - I don't get any channels in my apartment. And I love rewatching my favorite shows. Chuck, Psych, House, Chuck, Heroes, Bones, TruBlood, Chuck
• My apartment - I'm so grateful for a roof over my head.
• My feet and my double stroller - they get me everywhere!
• The Gospel - I'm grateful for my faith. Without it I would have nothing.
  

Well, that's a good list for now. If you weren't mentioned, it's not because I don't love you.

I am grateful for all that I have and depending on the day, I'm even grateful for the trials, because I know that they will only make me stronger. I do wish though that my life would be a little more boring and I wouldn't mind having someone to share all this excitement with once in a while. You know, a special someone. But that will come in time, I'm sure. It has to. God has promised that he wont give us trials that we aren't capable of handling. So, I am certain that these trials will pass and that there is something greater, a light at the end of the tunnel, after all this "garbage".

We had an earthquake this morning here at 4:04. It was a 4.4 earthquake.

This last week, I was doing my usual drive to Castaic for the "dropping off kids" point, I had my Aunt Christy with me! We were driving through traffic, well, more like stopping in the traffic. That's something I've learned about LA. There are very few times during the day that there arent at least 1,000 people on the road. Anyway, as we were stopped and complaining about life and traffic and such, this motorcycle zoomed on past us. The girl hanging on back was also hanging out her backside. My pictures didn't turn out so well, so I'm not posting them this time, but just picture it yourself. Poor thing is going to have quite the fanny-burn. I'm not sure what was covered.

Since I have moved out here to Ramona, I have spent a lot of time with my family. and oh how I love my Auntie Christy Lynn. She is easily my best best friend! I feel so blessed to be out here to help her out and be helped out. Actually, I love ALL of my family, including the people that are adopted into our family. :-)

I think as I grow older, I am learning that about life. There isn't anything more important than family. Nope, nothing could be as delightful as holding your own baby, advice from your father, or having a girls night with sisters. I LOVE FAMILY!

I'm very grateful that I have my family. Especially since I became the single mom. I don't know where or what I would be without the support of my family. And the ever patient listening skills of my Auntie Christy Lynn. I LOVE YOU!

Adulthood can be harder than it looks....

Sometimes it's hard to be an adult. For instance, just now as I was coming back from taking my dogs out for a "potty break", I thought I would stop and say hi to my neighbors. They are really friendly, and Wesley was asleep. So, as I was standing there discussing chocolate balls, babies and other important issues the world was facing, a great deal of blood started dripping down my leg. Lovely. I won't go into great detail, not here, but to make a long, embarrasing story short, it reminded me of "I'm a grown ass woman" and sometimes, I have to deal with these things. Geeze!

So now that we are done laughing at my gross, yet funny, embarrasing moment (you are done laughing, aren't you?) I want to just unload a little. And maybe share some light, that I have recently found.

This past month I've seem to just upset a lot of people. First there was my facebook status that caused me to lose a friend. And this last week I played a key role in divulging some unintended drama. I was victim in a gossip chain, which I didn't handle properly and a minor battle began. Although I am not really a key member in this small war (and I hope the parties involved will excuse me for adding this story to my blog) I did have a role in this battle.
I had the opportunity to be an adult and admit that I had done something that wasn't necessarily my right/priviledge, what ever you may call it.
Actually, I have had many, many moments since I moved here to this little town of Ramona where I had to put on that role of "Adulthood". Some may say it fits, some may find out that I am infact, a fraud. I'm really not as mature as I may seem. I still enjoy a great deal of running and romping around in my pjs having a dance party. I spend most evenings, after my children have gone to bed, reading a comic book, surfing the web for my next favorite super hero to be made the next "big thing" by the movie people, or playing violent or lego-oriented video games. I dislike confrontation. Very much. Recently, I have been a stalker to a celebrity. Although, I don't know that driving past his house once, counts as a stalker, but I felt like a creeper. And still feel a little guilty for that. Actually, sometimes I wonder if guilt is just a part of being and adult. Boo! I don't like it.
So anyway, back to my real story. You know, the gossip chain. Well, as God would have it, I was reading my scriptures this morning. I've just gotten to The Book of Mosiah (it's in the Book of Mormon). King Benjamin gives a most wonderful sermon. He speaks of service, of loving our brethren (and sisters!). He speaks of mourning with those that mourn. Comforting those that stand in need of comfort. He speaks of a loving Heavenly Father whom we serve by serving each other. I remembered that although the past few chains of events have been rather ugly, feelings have been hurt, mean things have been said. I find it comforting that God still loves me.
I have found that although I have been a key starter for this, so called battle, I can now step back. I can step away and make a commitment. To God. To my friends and to myself.
Guys, and Girls, Lets put away the GOSSIP. It's mean, its unneccessary, and it just stirs up feelings. I am not declaring myself to be perfect at this. I am after all a woman. And lets be honest what woman do you know that hasn't enjoyed a good piece of gossip?!

But seriously, I think if we try our best at keeping some of our thoughts and feelings to ourselves, or even vent it out to someone you trust if needed, but avoid spreading untruths, or even partial truths. I think if we do this, we too can find peace like King Benjamin's people. To be worthy of the blessings our Father has promised if we are to be humble and "childlike". Because Adulthood is just too hard.

-Aimee

*You can find the story of King Benjamin and his sermon here. Start at chapter one and keep reading until you feel warm and fuzzy. It will come, promise! ;-)

Still surviving, Still massaging, Still walking!

Before I really blog about our recent happenings, I do want to clarify and apologize for somethings. Yesterday I posted on my facebook a small letter, "Dear Facebook Friends, your obssesion with Farmville is getting old and boring. But I'm not! So talk to me instead! ;-) Love, your Real Life Friend, Aimee". This offended someone, and I want to apologize because I have had this issue before with posting on facebook with someone. I decided to blog it, because I want to make sure that anyone who has been offended will maybe understand the place I was coming from and the intentions of my "post". I enjoy a good deal of sarcastic humor and just silliness. I did not mean to hurt anyone's feelings, tell anyone how to conduct their social lives or try to put myself above anyone else. I posted this, because my aunt and I were discussing facebook earlier that morning and found it kind of funny that there were many posts of people playing Farmville. So, I just was going off of that.
It was also brought to my attention that some see me as a fake, a bragger, and over all not a very good friend. I am sorry for the actions or words that have been said and done to give off this vibe. I am grateful for ALL the people in my life - past, present, future, etc. Every person I have come across I have learned something great and have added it to myself. I don't mean to hurt anyone. And I don't think I am better than anyone.

...And with that, I would like to update my blog with some pictures and brief explanation of the fun things we have been up to.

All of our sickies are gone! The quarantine is over! ...I hope is stays that way!
I can not believe how quickly children grow! Christy is now 4 and is preparing to begin kindergarten in the Fall. She is so excited and can hardly talk about anything else.
Wesley is 2 and 1/2, he's into EVERYTHING. He's an escape artist, loves to sing and dance and ride his bike. He loves our neighbors, his aunt 'Bon' and his aunt 'Cheeestywynn'. He thinks every person that even remotely resembles my mom is "gwamma". It's so sweet!



Here Wesley is preparing for his favorite event of the day (or night) - Mealtime!



Christy is modeling her new "key necklace" I brought home for her from the Caitlin Crosby concert!

Christy, Wesley and I love to eat out - when finances and time allows. One of our new favorite places is Bollweevils. They have pool tables, a few games and of course deep fried zucchini....Mmmm.....

Caitlin Crosby and me

This dog is Sylar. He was a stray dog that found our home. I took him up and down A street and B Street. I took him to the vets around town, put an add in the paper and talked to the pet stores, neighbors, anyone and everyone I could think of or see. So, I am currently housing an extra animal at my house.
He's a lab/german shepard mix. And a big snuggle bug. Wesley likes to go sit on top of him on the floor and they just snuggle. It's so cute. And he's so good with my kids.
Oiye! I am such a sucker for the canines...:-)

We have been a busy little bunch. At the moment I am considering some different options and directions to take us. We love being in California, but I don't love being in Ramona. We may head up to Burbank this summer, maybe a new apartment here, or possibly (but not likely) a move back to Utah.
We're still carless, but have adapted well to walking and am researching public transportation often.

I hope all is well in your neck of the woods... ;-)

Love, Aimee